Just shoot them

Fast food should be banned from buses and trains, as part of efforts to “nudge” the public out of round-the-clock snacking, obesity experts say.

The call for radical restrictions, in an attempt to reset social norms, came amid warnings that “guzzling on the go” is fuelling Britain’s weight problem.

Experts at the world’s largest obesity conference urged politicians to make sweeping changes to limit the availability of junk food on public transport.

We’re moving smartly past second hand obesity here and into third hand:

Professor Jason Halford, from the European Association of Obesity, urged British politicians to back a ban, saying it would help shift people away from a culture of endless snacking.

He said other cities should follow Manchester’s Metrolink tram system, which already has such restrictions. Other obesity experts said passengers would be grateful to be saved either from tempting aromas – or the “nauseating” smell of junk foods late at night.

My scientific analysis here is that these people aren’t getting laid enough. People with even adequate sex lives just would not fuss so.

22 thoughts on “Just shoot them”

  1. Bloke in Costa Rica

    I’m not sure about shooting them. Bending them over a sawhorse and buggering them with a chainsaw would be more like it.

  2. I wouldn’t mind if smelly foods on trains were banned on grounds of manners, smell, cleanliness, etc.; but banning it for spurious obesity reasons is just offensive to logic.

  3. Surely they should ban the transport – if everyone had to walk everywhere they’d be like whippets inside a six-month.

    It might have some knock on effects to the economy (and the precious NHS – everyone would need knee and hip replacements at approx forty) but since when have these dickheads considered mundane matters like that?

  4. “the world’s largest obesity conference”

    Am I the only one giggling at this? If it’s that large, shouldn’t it lose a bit of flab?

  5. It’s rare that I get on a train (or a bus.. *shudders*) without being surrounded by people scoffing greasy fried chicken. It’s maybe anti-social, but I’m pretty sure the calories consumed therein aren’t more than if they’d sat in KFC and consumed them….

  6. “He said other cities should follow Manchester’s Metrolink tram system, which already has such restrictions.”

    No. Even if we wanted to follow his objectives, evidence-led policy says that we should wait three years and see whether obesity has declined faster in Manchester than in similar cities without their ban.

  7. “Other obesity experts said passengers would be grateful to be saved from … the “nauseating” smell of junk foods late at night.”

    This sounds like one of the arguments for the smoking ban. Turned out most of the people who objected to the smell hardly ever go in pubs anyway. Similarly, I bet very few of the people complaining about the smell of a kebab rarely catch a tram home after the clubs close.

  8. Andrew M is spot on. It’s the smell and the mess that should be objected to. Singapore… no food or drink on public transport which is hard when it is hot and you are dying for a sip of the water you are carrying with you. Mind you, after ten minutes you are looking for a jumper as the ac is up so high.

  9. Watching some people eat on public transport is not pleasant, so there is much to be said for averting ones gaze and looking out of the window at the passing graffiti instead. But I am not sure that employing people to confront snackers who never learned to eat with their mouths closed is going to be effective. Enforcement might be hard, so what are they going to say? ‘Hey you can’t eat that here. If you don’t throw that kebab out of door at once we shall stop the tram and, er, block the line for ages.”

  10. Everywhere I’ve lived people are banned from eating on the bus/tram/masstransit full stop, and have been since before I was born. Because eating, not anything to do with obesity.

  11. Watcher is right. Enforcement is the issue. We are not far off the point when people realise that there really isn’t much enforcement of the law these days. The riots after the police legitimately shot dead that Duggan twat as he was en route to kill someone else, and then stood off and watched everything burn, were the hors d’ouevre.

  12. When (and where) I was little, eating in the street was frowned on. The only exception I can think of was for ice cream. And maybe ice lollies.

    But then women smoking in the street was frowned on too.

  13. Bloke in Cornwall

    So, on my 5 hr train from Paddington at 6pm I shouldn’t be allowed to eat? Finish work at 5pm, get to Paddington at 5:40 roughly due to packed tube / inevitable line problems… I now have 20 mins to eat and drink enough for the next 5hrs? Or more likely 6hrs as the trains are always running late… No thanks, I carry on driving – quicker, cheaper and I can do what I like!!

  14. “the world’s largest obesity conference”

    Whats the bet there’s some absolute whales attending this conference, but no-one dares point out the hypocrisy?

  15. ‘We eat all the time because there are eating opportunities all the time.’

    What’s this ‘we’ shit?

  16. Bloke in Cornwall

    @Richard – they have them still on the trains I take but there as ~700 people on the train and about 35-40 seats in the restaurant… Also, have you seen the prices for the food you get!!

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