Imagine the scene

And I met Damian Green, our new First Secretary of State, skulking in the Archduke at Waterloo last night (an old lefty plotting ground) and he too seemed incredibly reluctant to engage with the public, but I assure you, I tried.

You slip in for a quiet pint before the train and find yourself being approached by a lecturer from Islington Technical College.

Question, how keen are you to engage?

28 thoughts on “Imagine the scene”

  1. Unless the odds are ten to one let combat commence.

    “If Comrade Corbyn is keen to exploit horrible deaths for political purposes, he should keep it in house and start with the 150 million murders committed by socialism –so far”.

  2. RM: “Ah, Mr Green, I have a bone to pick with you!”
    DG: “I’m sorry, who are you?”
    RM: “I’m Richard Murphy, a blogger and part-time professor from Norfolk.”
    DG: “Never heard of you. Go away.”

  3. Once disagreement has been established, Professor Murphy is reluctant to engage. Who’d have funk it.

  4. Surely that depends on the lecturer? The few university lecturers/professors I know are decent blokes, but maybe I’m lucky – or picky about whom I choose to know.

  5. As always, when Murphy can name-drop he does so with the enthusiasm of a fat kid running to a hand-out of free donuts.

    Means you can always tell when he’s making stuff up, like the journalists supposedly listening to his wisdom on tower block fires.

    He can’t name them. Or which newspaper. Or which questions.

    He’s destined for a sad lonely old age. I sincerely hope.

  6. “You slip in for a quiet pint before the train and find yourself being approached by a lecturer from Islington Technical College.

    Question, how keen are you to engage?”

    You asking personally, Tim? Looking at his photo, I’d presume he was some iron out on a trawl. So first reaction would be “Piss off” & if that didn’t deter, deck the c*nt. Seems to have been a successful strategy up ’til now.

  7. I don’t believe there has ever been a less self-aware man than Richard Murphy. If a novelist created him he would be edited back to something more like a human.

    I am loving the idea that upon his approaching Green and vomiting his ‘ideas’ at him, Green replied, ”Candidly, this is all sophistry and you are wasting my time. I shall not engage with you again.’

  8. “You’re not the public, you’re a very stupid cunt”, Green quipped, as a bead of sweat trickled down Snippa’s back. Nevertheless, Snippa persisted.

  9. Your worst nightmare, like being cornered alone at a small drinks party by the boring guest no-one likes, with everyone else keeping a tidy distance from you so you can’t involve them in the conversation too. The only escape is to take the trip to the bog for a decent length of time so they have to latch onto another group.

  10. BF, usually happens when you’re trying to sidle unobtrusively up to the attractive bint by the canapes.

  11. this exchange should be engraved on his tombstone

    “We know Theresa May is bad at her job. Arrogant. Distant. Inflexible. Possessed of poor judgement. Unempathic to the point where it is embarrassing to witness her inability. But let’s, please, not make this personal.”

    That sounds quite personal.

    It’s a bit like saying “I don’t want to draw attention to how fat you are” to someone.

    If you’re going to attack someone on a personal level, by all means do; but don’t pretend you aren’t.

    Richard Murphy says:
    June 16 2017 at 9:35 am
    Are you as good at missing the point as she is?

    Pedants are not welcome here

    Take note


    so posterity will know what a cunt he was. The lack of self awareness is beyond staggering.

  12. “Pardon the literary reference, but he’s becoming like Roger Micheldene in “One Fat Englishman” by Kingsley Amis.”

    Nope. Roger Micheldene is an asshole, but he’s amusing and has no illusions, unlike Murphy.

  13. Question is, did Green avoid Murphy because he didn’t know who Murphy was, or because he did?

  14. If Murphy’s drinking round Waterloo I would have thought The Hole In The Wall was more his kind of thing – full of honest, working men swilling lager and watching football. What more left-wing friendly environment could he possibly come across?

  15. Flatcap Army said:
    “The Hole In The Wall … full of honest, working men”

    There’s two reasons why Murphy doesn’t like it.

    (although it’s not just lager; I’ve had some perfectly acceptable bitter in there, without craft-beer ponciness)

  16. Moq

    Oh good god, has Murphy got ripping flatulence problems too along with all his other mental and physical medical conditions?

  17. BiS and Rob get my vote

    Been out of the office all day.just got back.

    Been sniggering in to my wine throughout the thread.

    Fink I’m up for a bit of bovver.

  18. Bloke in North Dorset

    Those of you close to Waterloo could set up watch and then beard him when he goes in to a pub. No my gaff, my rules then.

    If he had a regular routine I’d be prepared to spend some time in London.

  19. Isn’t the Archduke the pub/restaurant under the tracks next to the Royal Festival Hall? Chances are the Deputy PM was meeting someone pre-concert rather than waiting for a train.

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