A sword fight is a rather specific sex scene, isn’t it?

Actors should be trained for sex scenes like sword fights, campaigners say

24 thoughts on “A sword fight is a rather specific sex scene, isn’t it?”

  1. “Designed by movement director Ita O’Brien, who describes herself as Britain’s first “intimacy director”, they call on theatre to do more to help stars with delicate scenes.”

    Translation: “Gissa job! One that pays better than directing dross no-one watches!”

  2. Anyone else remember the days when “news” was things which had happened, rather than commercial groups touting for business?

  3. So Much For Subtlety

    They ought to appoint a special advisor so that *writers* are trained to write sex scenes. I don’t think that Auberon Waugh’s Bad Sex Prize is working to shame people into improvement.

    Also, as with this job, it is important that the government insures that all acting and writing is purely consensual. We would not want to be furthering rape culture by endorsing a lack of consent. Of course consent is difficult where acting is concerned because the actress may have withdrawn consent in her personal capacity while maintaining her character. So while she is thinking she would like him to stop, she is actually saying “oh yeah baby, that is so good, harder, harder” etc etc.

    Naturally any actor who fails to divine the internal decisions of any woman should go to jail.

  4. So Much For Subtlety

    Theophrastus – “Most sex scenes in film and TV drama are tedious, unnecessary and unerotic.”

    Well yes but at the risk of being too much of a nerd, not those involving any former female companion of Doctor Who. Whether they involve Daleks or not.

    Not for sexual reasons of course but as an experiment in what BBC “stars” should be paid. One moment you are the hottest thing on the Beeb, the next moment you are muff diving on Cable in order to get any attention at all.

    All the BBC’s top earners should keep that in mind.

  5. Some of the specific recommendations – no sex scenes in auditions and closed sets for rehearsals – seem sensible enough, to be fair. Though there is a lot of “consultant in field XYZ says industry needs to hire more consultants in XYZ to make sure it is done properly” going round in the press lately. Churnalism must play a big part in that – self-promoters are giving you a story for free, better than going out and finding news yourself…

  6. Theo: Most sex scenes in film and TV drama are tedious, unnecessary and unerotic.

    So just like real life then!

  7. TMB wins the thread!

    The title reminds me of Charlie Brooker’s ‘TVGoHome’ listing for a program called ‘Penis Wars’. Mind you, ‘Pylon P*ss Fight’ sounded more interesting.

  8. So Much For Subtlety

    Mr Womby – “The title reminds me of Charlie Brooker’s ‘TVGoHome’ listing for a program called ‘Penis Wars’. Mind you, ‘Pylon P*ss Fight’ sounded more interesting.”

    It reminds me of an appallingly bad film probably called Skin Deep, starring John Ritter. About which I remember nothing except the duelling condom scene – one male character enters a dark room looking for the main female character who is asleep in the bed. But she is two-timing him so the other boyfriend entered the dark room. Both are dressed for action in the sense they are wearing glow-in-the-dark condoms.

    I am still traumatised.

    Witchie – “SMFS is that Vince or TV?”

    The TV, please God, don’t even think about Vince. Especially not with a Dimbleby.

  9. So a few weeks ago I’m at ROH watching Les Vepres Siciliennes and during the overture the nasty French governor, Montfort, rapes a ballerina.

    Now I’m guessing here, but it seems to me the participants had been properly directed in how to perform the action, rather than making it up as they went along.

    To be fair, they were both fairly well clothed, just a bit of fly-fumbling on Montfort’s part, unlike the rape of Monterone’s daughter in McVicar’s version of Rigoletto where the boy and girl were both starkers.

  10. DtP, those who can’t do become senior lecturers at a low-rent tertiary education establishment and leech off the taxpayer.

  11. DtP, those who can’t do become senior lecturers at a low-rent tertiary education establishment and leech off the taxpayer.

    Rocco makes his living by using his dick.

    Murphy makes his living by being a dick.

  12. At career day at school they asked me what I wanted to be and I said an actor in blue movies. Fifty years on I’m still waiting for the job offers to come rolling in.

  13. At career day at school they asked me what I wanted to be and I said an actor in blue movies. Fifty years on I’m still waiting for the job offers to come rolling in.

    I auditioned for a blue movie once and was told after the audition that it wasn’t going to be a comedy.

  14. Spectating simulated or real copulation is boring, but participating isn’t. From the third person point of view, the two-backed beast is absurd. From the first person point of view of the respective participants, the two-backed beast is intensely pleasurable.

  15. So Much For Subtlety

    Theophrastus – “Spectating simulated or real copulation is boring, but participating isn’t. From the third person point of view, the two-backed beast is absurd.”

    I cannot find any way to criticise that. I would like to agree with you. But the fact that the porn industry makes more money than Hollywood suggests millions of other people do not agree with you.

    Sex is an odd topic. We like to talk about John Major and Ms Curry but God knows I wouldn’t want to see it. Maybe I am an outlier because I am pretty sure if the papers had photos they would have run them.

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