What it is to be woke

How to be woke: the dos and don’ts
Don’t say
All Lives Matter
OMG, I’m nearly as dark as you in this heat!
But you guys have Beyoncé?
I don’t know much about this, but…
I’m just not that into politics
You can’t say anything any more
The N word or P word (even during Gold Digger)

Do say
Black lives matter
What pronouns do you prefer?
Racism is about power and prejudice
It’s true, Britain didn’t build the railways in British India
Poverty is not the fault of poor people
I don’t know about that subject, tell me more

Don’t get the bit about the railways. Who did? Unless we’re to say that it was Indian labour therefore…..in which case the Irish built the British ones.

39 thoughts on “What it is to be woke”

  1. Don’t get the bit about the railways. Who did? Unless we’re to say that it was Indian labour therefore…..in which case the Irish built the British ones.
    And the Chinese the US ones (well, west of the Rockies, anyway).

  2. Don’t get the bit about the railways. Who did? Unless we’re to say that it was Indian labour therefore

    White men are only responsible for the BAD things their ancestors did, fam.

  3. Bloke no Longer in Austria

    Um Bongo, Um Bongo
    They drink it in the Congo…

    No, no, no ! It is about exploitation and colonialism ( and slavery, of course).

    P-word.. Pillock ? Ponce ? Paramedic ?

  4. Bloke no Longer in Austria


    ah right. Just had to look up the lyrics of the song Gold Digger, apparently by an accomplished crooner called Kanye West. He doesn’t mention Pakis, though.

    I was once told off for using the term “Abos” . The defence “But that’s what they used to call them in Skippy!” is not valid, it seems.

  5. It seems odd that a black woman, who obviously has a problem with white people, chooses to live in England.

    She might have more luck finding her soul-mate in Zimbabwe.

  6. What are these people like?

    You’re not Anna Kendrick or Kate Upton. Anna K could insist on me asking about pronouns and I’d do that before giving her the worst 5 minutes of sex.

    You’re at best average looking. Lower your expectations or end up with a houseful of cats (I assume there’s black crazy cat ladies although I’ve never met one).

  7. BiC – from what i gather is one moment you’re going through life judging people by the content of their character and then blam…someone who knows a lot more than you and bans others from being devil’s advocate tells you its ok to judge them by their skin. This state of higher consciousness is referred to as Woke.

  8. @BiC

    “Woke” is a useful reference. A filter if you like. Anyone who uses it in any other context than a piss-take is someone to be avoided. This individual is one such. She has spent her career as a tax sponger in bullshit jobs in “think tanks”. So, the policy of using “woke” as a filter bears out here.

  9. “the Irish built the British ones”

    but they were British at the time and an awful lot of them settled on the mainland, so the British built the British ones.

  10. Anger tends to skew judgement.

    I believe in free speech and freedom.

    But the more shit like this bitch’s garbage article I read the more I just want to send a team to pick her up–then into the Home Office for a quick ceremony formally stripping her of her citizenship and then the plane to Africa. Once there she can have her pick of feckless, violent, idle, AIDS -ridden twats who’ll make her a fine husband. Indeed she could spend all day blathering about the wickedness of whitey to the bloke. That might be one of the safest topics as standard female attempts to point out what a feckless , lazy, etc twat he is might not go so well. Not all country’s have wicked whiteys interest in women’s opinions or in not allowing said women to be bashed.

    I have to struggle not to prefer the above to my commitment to freedom. But you know, these days the only emotion-based qualm I would have about the above scenario would be if she had a dog or cat that might miss her. That would be a shame and but we can’t be sending harmless and innocent animals to uncivilised climes.

  11. Mr Eksy, i seriously worry that your “struggle” with your commitment to freedom would play out similar to Ralph Fiennes’ character in shindler’s list struggle with forgiveness.

  12. “Steve

    Is it still ok, as a white man, to drink Um-Bongo or is that cultural appropriation?”

    I wonder if drinking water that isn’t full of shit and germs is appropriation of white culture?

  13. The article is hilarious.

    She meets someone she considers “65% woke”.

    She just wants a echo board for her opinions.

    I’d still shag her though, if she isn’t a complete minter. Then I’d end the relationship saying “sorry, didn’t realise you were black”.

    Be a laugh.

  14. Are you implying Mr Ecks is bribable, Hallowed Be? It’s not something one would wish to count on, methinks

  15. Hallowed Be- I bet that’s just some cold blooded shit you’d say to a mutherfucker before you popped a cap in his ass.

  16. @ Chris Miller and Hallowed Be
    The Irish built the US railroads according to the song “Patsy, Atsy Aireo O”.
    The English built the vast majority of the British Railways (not so much in Scotland but those are a small minority).
    I think that Tim is confusing them with the canals, where we did have to import a lot of brute force, with limited requirement for intellect so, I postulate, the Irish sent their less intellectual boys over here, resulting in a distorted view of Irish intellects.

  17. When you get to the point that saying all lives matter is racist you really have reached new levels of hypocrisy.
    like Pride not allowing the police to march, so much for inclusiveness and celebrating organisations becoming more diverse and accepting.

  18. @john77

    That was phase 1 – didn’t work well, boss not pleased when he came to view canal and found a long 12 ft wide potato crop.

    Phase 1 were sacked & shipped back to be replaced with those who could dig and lay bricks.

  19. The Irish built the US railroads east of the Rockies. The Cornish, meanwhile, were digging every mine in the world. The definition of mine used to be: “A hole in the ground with a Cornishman at the bottom”.

  20. “OMG, I’m nearly as dark as you in this heat!
    But you guys have Beyoncé?”

    Nobody ever says those things.

    I don’t say those things and I live among Mexicans – where I am almost as dark as them in this heat.

    “Poverty is not the fault of poor people”

    Nobody ever said it was. But its not my fault either so I don’t see why I’m on the hook for it.

  21. “There was the man who, while nice, wanted to talk about “whether Cecil Rhodes was that bad” before I’d even had a morning cuppa. While on a date at a smart restaurant, he asked whether I had a dad, because he knew this was “a problem” in my community.”

    That’s enough to tell you that the whole thing is made up.

  22. “And he hadn’t read the Malcolm X autobiography.”

    You’re British dear, why would the trials and tribulations of an Black man in America – the most racisist nation on earth – have any bearing on you?

  23. The Guardian these days appears to be solely a platform for non-entities to try and up the victimhood ante. It is an endless parade of people hideously deformed by the chips on their shoulders.

  24. Bloke no Longer in The Transvaal

    Ha ! Agamemnon, shows you how much YOU know !

    My most successful chat up line is

    “So, do you think the Jameson Raid would have succeeded if he had had some proper troops ?”

  25. BnLiTT,

    And how many times as the response been anything but “Whut?”?

    I’ve been to Leander Starr’s burial place, awesome location, just a tiny fraction less awesome than Cecil John’s.

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