Goose, gander

As every single person knows, navigating through the minefield that is dating in the 21st century is no easy feat. Whether you like it or not, apps that are meant to make dating easier, such as Tinder and Bumble, sadly also carry the risk of unwelcome and distressing interactions.

Random and unsolicited sending of sexual images or videos from men to young women, notoriously referred to as “dick pics”, is all too common. Even if you haven’t unwillingly received a picture of a man’s genitalia, then you most probably know someone who has. In fact, with technology infiltrating every aspect of our private lives, this unwelcome input from male strangers has become so normal that – just like wolf-whistling on the street – it is frequently ignored and brushed off and, in some cases, even laughed about. But sending unsolicited sexual images is not a joke. It is violating behaviour that cannot be tolerated and should never be normalised.

Tits are also sexual objects. So, tit pics should be banned by law? And how much cleavage is it that should be banned?

28 thoughts on “Goose, gander”

  1. Never mind pictures.

    If prudery is the new rage then let the display of legs, tits or any style of female attire designed to affect or arouse men be banned also. And any female putting on a show or obviously on the hunt be arrested for doing so.

    These marx-femm bitches just love one way tyranny (tyra-tranny??) –high time they got some back.

    Works for Iran. Not.

  2. Interesting is it not that overt public displays of feminine sexuality are regarded as freedom of expression but masculine ones are frowned upon?

  3. starfish, depends which team you bat for. If that masculine expression is towards other fellas, then apparently that’s ok.

  4. Comment Is Free? Ok, let’s go over and comment on the piece. Hold on, no comments allowed? Isn’t that false advertising? Bait’n’Switch?

  5. Is there a record of how many women have gratefully received these pics and gone on to investigate further? It just doesn’t seem like a good sales tactic to me.

  6. “As every single person knows navigating through the minefield that is dating in the 21st century is no easy feat.”

    – pre-minelaying spiel.

  7. Unsolicited is the important part here. Nobody’s complaining about dick pics that were requested or otherwise consented to.

  8. ‘apps that are meant to make dating easier, such as Tinder and Bumble, sadly also carry the risk of unwelcome and distressing interactions.’

    Distressing? The problem is at your end. “Annoyed” should cover it.

    Wait, Dr Weedwhacker has figured it out. You are so damn desperate that you MUST depend on Tinder and Bumble, so you can’t just get off them, as any normal person bothered with dix pix would.

    “Dammit world, you are not acting right. You must change to suit me!”

    ‘In fact, with technology infiltrating every aspect of our private lives’

    You chose it, honey.

    ‘this unwelcome input from male strangers has become so normal that’

    Male? We don’t know that her girl-friends aren’t spoofing her. Sex is not an attribute of messages, in spite of content.

  9. “I find it disgusting that she feels that only men can send dick pics.”

    I’ve heard that it’s a fairly common response – if a pervy sleazeball sends you a dickpic, you just send them a dozen or so back. Along with some unflattering comparisons. For some reason, a lot of guys don’t like receiving pictures of other guys’ dicks either! Who knew?

    However, while it puts most men off, there are some men of the creepier sort who take it as an encouragement, or a challenge. So the advice is not to escalate a conflict unless you’re willing to go all the way.

  10. They could avoid this mainly by not using apps like Tinder which are basically hook-up apps (at least in the UK). They might as well complain they wandered into an orgy and found naked people.

  11. “They could avoid this mainly by not using apps like Tinder which are basically hook-up apps (at least in the UK).”

    Only the men think so.

    Interestingly, the Terms of Use for Tinder contains the following:

    9. Community Rules.
    By using the Service, you agree that you will not:

    use the Service for any purpose that is illegal or prohibited by this Agreement.
    use the Service for any harmful or nefarious purpose
    use the Service in order to damage Tinder
    violate our Community Guidelines, as updated from time to time.
    spam, solicit money from or defraud any users.
    impersonate any person or entity or post any images of another person without his or her permission.
    bully, “stalk,” intimidate, assault, harass, mistreat or defame any person.
    post any Content that violates or infringes anyone’s rights, including rights of publicity, privacy, copyright, trademark or other intellectual property or contract right.
    post any Content that is hate speech, threatening, sexually explicit or pornographic; incites violence; or contains nudity or graphic or gratuitous violence.
    post any Content that promotes racism, bigotry, hatred or physical harm of any kind against any group or individual.

    So it’s more like walking into a room with a “No orgies” sign on the door and finding a bunch of men thinking it’s an orgy.

    But “men”… 🙂

  12. My understanding is that on Bumble, only the woman can initiate contact. Those women who wish to avoid unsolicited messages from men can just use that instead of Tinder.

    Problem solved!

  13. So it’s more like walking into a room with a “No orgies” sign on the door and finding a bunch of men thinking it’s an orgy.

    Actually, no. It’s like waking into a well-known orgy palace which says in the door, for ass-covering legal reasons, “no orgies”, and discovering an orgy is taking place.

  14. So let me see, women are psychologically just as robust as men, and should be put in the front line of warfare and see their comrades blown to pieces in front of their eyes, and experience all the horrors of war and conflict, and come out no more scarred than any man would be, yet if you send them a pic of a male member they are traumatised beyond comprehension…………

  15. My understanding is that on Bumble, only the woman can initiate contact

    Someone should sue them and enforce sexual equality, I.e. no-one can initiate contact.

  16. What about a man being sexually harassed by women sending him vajayjay pics along with accompanying vulgar exhortations?

  17. @NIV

    I’ve heard that it’s a fairly common response – if a pervy sleazeball sends you a dickpic, you just send them a dozen or so back. Along with some unflattering comparisons. For some reason, a lot of guys don’t like receiving pictures of other guys’ dicks either! Who knew?

    You missed to obvious, that a woman (self identified) is capable of sending a dick pic of her own tackle.

  18. “You missed to obvious…”

    I suspected that’s what you was referring to. But none of the ones I know would – they’re not big fans of that particular bit of their anatomy anyway to say the least, and they have the same attitude as most women to the practice. If you just want sex, go hire a prostitute. Or use your hand. Women want romance.

    They always live in hope that if you kiss the right one they’ll turn into a handsome prince, but sadly, most men are and will always remain frogs.

    Men, on the other hand, seeing how women continue to kiss frogs, get the wrong message and instead work on seeing how cold and slimy and disgusting they can make themselves. It’s a game.

    Just because men believe it’s an orgy doesn’t mean everyone else does.

  19. @NiV “Women want romance.

    They always live in hope that if you kiss the right one they’ll turn into a handsome prince, but sadly, most men are and will always remain frogs.’

    Gender stereotype much?

  20. NiV – going all the way?
    That presumes someone finds them attractive enough to at least use their body.
    Some of the ardent campaigners against bodies are themselves a 0 on the fitness scale. For both sexes.

  21. ‘My understanding is that on Bumble, only the woman can initiate contact.’

    Interesting! How do they determine the sex of the member?

  22. “Gender stereotype much?”

    Of course.

    “That presumes someone finds them attractive enough to at least use their body.”

    Wanting it doesn’t mean they get it, or expect to. But they still want it.

  23. If you just want sex, go hire a prostitute.

    Which of course they (modern feminist activists typified, here, by the sorts that write in the Guardian) are trying to make illegal. Probably because …

    Or use your hand.

    I know lots of us disagree with you but don’t give the bastards ideas.

  24. “s there a record of how many women have gratefully received these pics and gone on to investigate further? It just doesn’t seem like a good sales tactic to me.”

    It’s a numbers game. Send 100 dick pics knowing that 99 women will ignore you or block you or tell you to fuck off.. but one might be fine with it.

    It’s shitty behaviour. Most women are sick of it, but know it comes with the territory and handle it just fine. But just like there’s one who’s ok to reward the shitty behaviour with a shag, there’s gonna be one who writes a piece for the Graun. Nothing to see here. Some men are twats on dating sites, most women in dating sites can handle twats.

    It would be better for everyone if the twats stopped being twats and the women who reward twattishness stopped rewarding twattishness. But that’s hardly something particular to this scenario.

  25. Or, don’t boither with dating sites to begin with and just extend your social circle in the usual way… you know, by talking to people in meatspace.

    What could be more beneficial?

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