Fair enough

GRIEVING FOR ALL THOSE ALISONS WHO NEVER WERE

Oh, you mean it’s not about those aborted?

12 thoughts on “Fair enough”

  1. That’s hard. It’s hard practically – coming out often means throwing a hand grenade into a life you’ve spent many years constructing, causing all kinds of devastation

    Quite. Do the wife and kids get to grieve for losing a husband and father to the masturbatory fetish lifestyle, or would expecting your dad not to shoot himself up with synthetic hormones and start dressing like Harold Bishop in drag be “transphobia”?

    There will always be huge gaps in your experience because you wasted so many years trying to live the wrong life.

    I’m sure Gary’s children will be pleased to know he considers the years he spent being a normal Dad instead of slathering on clown makeup and squeezing dresses over his hulking frame “wasted”, eh?

    Because this is just narcissism, i’nt it? Emotionally well adjusted adults make peace with the fact that you cannot or should not (healthily) live exclusively for yourself, especially once you’re a parent. The obligations you take on are simultaneously burden and reward, and to run away from them is betrayal – perhaps the worst category of sin.

    “I made a promise, Mr. Frodo. A promise.

    Being properly integrated with family, friends and community provides a more generous and sustaining sense of self as part of something bigger, more important and more enduring than the selfish “I”. Far from diminishing the self, it enhances it by providing a framework in which the things you do actually matter. You are the choices you make, there’s no free-floating “authentic self” hiding in the mirror, or the closet.

    People who are disconnected from or weakly connected with this real life social network can easily devolve into a squirming bag of appetites, as we’ve seen.

    Remember Rentboy’s vision of a future in which there were no girls, and no guys, only wankers? He was only off by a few decades.

  2. You find yourself looking backwards with a mix of sadness and sometimes anger, mourning the you you never were. It’s hard not to focus on what Wilgus describes as “the opportunities I’m never going to get back. The doors that feel like they’re closed to me.” There will always be huge gaps in your experience because you wasted so many years trying to live the wrong life.

    That’s the same for everybody. I mourn the professional footballer career that I didn’t have, or the Slovenian model I didn’t marry, or missing the last stock market boom. You only get one life, we all make mistakes, we all regret paths not taken. The rest of us don’t moan about it, nor do we claim that we exist on some higher plane because of it.

  3. Steve

    That was brilliant in its filleting of what is really going on here. If you wrote a book, I would read it

  4. @BiND

    Context matters, surely?

    if you’re thinking about things physiologically, and how the body has to react to these cues what’s going on, the comparison is pretty informative, potentially?

  5. As soon as you start regretting the things you might have done, you’ve given up on the things you still could do.

  6. Bloke in North Dorset

    MBE,
    In a rational world, yes, but sadly the education system is drifting away from rationality at an alarming pace. (Yes, that was the USA, but where they go, we follow).

  7. Recusant – Thank you!

    Andrew – Yarp. I dunno if it’s possible to feel that sort of regret separately from self-pity.

  8. Not sure regret is just a self indulgence.

    It can make you learn from your mistake so if a similar situation comes along, you might make the “correct” decision the second time.

    Though dwelling on regrets with accompanying self-pity is self indulgence.

  9. Steve

    As ever spot on the money. There’s an arrogant presumption in the use by militant Leftists of the word ‘progressive’ – if anything we ought to cal it out as the infantilisation it undoubtedly is. As you rightly point out the entire Transgenderism cult is one of the greatest manifestations of narcissism in history. I think, assuming humanity survives, then people will look back on this era with the same fascination we look back on early Millenarian cul.ts

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