It’s quite impossible to understand why she can’t get a date

going on Tinder as a queer, dark-skinned black woman

Really not sure what queer means in this context. Aggressively lesbian? Politically and loudly lesbian? Dunno. But at a guess it means not hetero.

OK. It’s going to be a fairly small dating pool. Lesbians are some 1 to 2% of the population.

I am reminded with every swipe that my body is an irregularity in the world. I have somehow managed to be not just black, but darker than most people here in the Bay Area.

Could be. Would never say that race isn’t a factor in human relationships.

I have managed to ignore the trending master cleanses, the Atkins diets and all other manifestations of the thin-crazed California culture which paints my 300lb body into an oddity.

Ah. 21 stone is going to be, umm, a fairly specialised taste, isn’t it?

But as I got older it became exhausting to navigate relationships in my dark black body. It has become my job to remind the people in my life that the burden of their anti-black conditioning falls on me. If anti-blackness denies a black person their humanity, then the primary function of colorism is to normalize a world in which people are offered less dignity, empathy and, yes, desirability, the deeper their complexion is.

We sure it’s all about skin colour?

Our practice of a “queered monogamy” – my girlfriend and I welcome and encourage sexual and intimate exploration, both together and separately – allows me to witness all types of interactions between my body and the world.

Umm.

OK, 21 stone woman with nose ring looking for extra relationship quickie presumably with fellow lesbian. And the reason she can’t get a date is her skin colour?

Although I will give her one thing. California is markedly more racist than some other parts of the US. Yeah, I know, not how we normally think of it but…

50 thoughts on “It’s quite impossible to understand why she can’t get a date”

  1. “anti-black conditioning”

    Sorry, love, but the heart wants what it wants. No-one said to me that I should get a boner for Marion Cotillard, Moira Shearer and Diana Rigg, and in fact, my preferences for those are probably off from the general preferences for women like Farah Fawcett and Kate Upton of many men. And I’d be ecstatic if my preferences were fat black women as there’s a lot more competition for Hattie McDaniel than Ann Hathaway.

  2. Really not sure what queer means in this context

    In this particular context, I think it means she’s an aggressively neurotic pain in the arse.

    my body is an irregularity in the world

    I hear you sister, I’m a big fat fuck too. And I am white, so am even more “irregular” than an African-American, there being more black people than white in the world.

  3. there’s a lot more competition for Hattie McDaniel than Ann Hathaway.

    Regardless of your personal taste, you may have these two the wrong way round.

  4. I would bet that if she were to create two fake profiles one in which she looks lighter and one in which she looks thinner the second one would be more popular

  5. Regardless of your personal taste, you may have these two the wrong way round.

    You may want to re-phrase that.

  6. She may not be wrong. It’s just that the anti dark skin thing for sexual preference may be the genetic ingrained memory of millennia rather than any recent cultural phenomenon.

    Black girls get swiped right at a dramatically lower rate than the honkies. Including by black men. And everywhere in the world this is true – the darker girls get less attention. Harsh. Not Kind. Not inclusive. Not diverse. But a fact of sexual preference statistics.
    Land whales get swiped right almost not at all.
    Likewise psychos.

    This annoying black land whale psycho is offering herself up for the admiration of 1% of 1% of 1% of the Tinderiat. Unsurprisingly the fish ain’t biting.

  7. The Guardian: LMAO lets all laugh at these incels who think they’re entitled to sex! 😀

    Also The Guardian: If you don’t have sex with Shamu here, you’re Literally Hitler! >:-(

  8. There is a long history in the US of poor relations between light-skinned “blacks” and dark-skinned. There were even occasions when the first group wouldn’t let the second attend its dances or join its trades unions (thus denying them access to unionised jobs).

    I’m not intrinsically interested in the issue; I came across it because of my interest in early jazz. I suspect that there may be a comparable issue in the UK nowadays: I base this guess on a reported comment from a dark-skinned footballer that he disliked “lighties”. Pretty racist, eh?

  9. Patrick,

    The curious thing for me is that I’ve worked with women from Nigeria with really dark skin who I thought were attractive, but women from the Caribbean or America don’t have that effect for me (the odd one that does, like Rihanna or Dorothy Dandridge is always mixed race).

  10. Why are we suppressing minority voices such as this by giving them opinion articles in international newspapers?

  11. “And the reason she can’t get a date is her skin colour?”
    Could be Tim, could be. What we need to settle it is a heterosexual hat coloured 21 year old demure single monogomy seeking willing to travel bantam weight republican from the north, who’s on tinder.

  12. ‘More like woolly mammoth’

    The nose ring doesn’t help. I saw her picture on the Guardian webpage.

    Like Bom4 I have lived and worked in Nigeria. Some of the very dark girls are really gorgeous. But they are slim and elegant. Desirable. Not at the woolly mammoth, land whale, swamp donkey / hippocrocosaurus hybrid end of the spectrum.

  13. You are in a WHITE country. If it’s that important to you, try your luck in Cameroon.

    Note that MEN are not guilty here. WOMEN are. She is being rejected by women. Women are so racist.

  14. “Note that MEN are not guilty here. WOMEN are. She is being rejected by women. Women are so racist.”

    And overwhelmingly left-wing womxnz at that…

  15. “I would bet that if she were to create two fake profiles one in which she looks lighter and one in which she looks thinner the second one would be more popular”

    I meant lighter skin colour not lighter as regards to weight

  16. “It has become my job to remind the people in my life that the burden of their anti-black conditioning falls on me.”

    Fuck.

    Can you imagine being stuck next to her at a dinner party?

    And I bet she would eat all your food if you turned your back for a second.

  17. I have very specific taste in women. I don’t fancy dark black women. I also don’t fancy Chinese-Japanese-Thai-Malay etc women. I also don’t fancy ginger women, or (natural) blondes, esp pale ones. I don’t like green-eyed girls. I have tolerated blue (I am your classic Aryan myself). I really like dark brown eyes. I like dark eyebrows and a nice dark bush. I don’t like women who are too fat, or too skinny. I have shagged bottle blondes but my key interest has always been in brunettes, light-skinned black girls or Indian Asian-type women with long legs, flat stomachs, great arses, nice tits (no sag, erring on the side of small but not too small) and pretty faces. Ideally big fuck off cheekbones. They also have to have right wing views or no political views at all, a sense of humour and a healthy interest in getting boned.

    I married one of the very few women who meet this description and they seem to be shrinking in number. I am glad I am no longer on the market.

    Too much information I’m sure, and I’m fucked if I know where my taste comes from, but it comes from somewhere and nothing would induce me to change.

  18. Not really a great surprise. Among Europeans you undoubtedly find one of the variations more attractive than others. Scandi, Latin, English Rose, whatever. There’s vastly more genetic diversity among “blacks” from Africa than there is here

  19. Steve,

    “I never understood the appeal of Grace Jones. Was it a dominatrix thing?”

    I’m not sure that she was ever a sex symbol for men. She was a model, but models are more about grabbing attention rather than beauty (I once sat in a pub with Kate Moss, and she just stands out).

    I like Grace Jones. She made some very good records, and is mad as a box of frogs in a nice way.

  20. “The curious thing for me is that I’ve worked with women from Nigeria with really dark skin who I thought were attractive, but women from the Caribbean or America don’t have that effect for me (the odd one that does, like Rihanna or Dorothy Dandridge is always mixed race).”

    I think one tends to recalibrate. One time I was knocking around with a girl, family came from Sierra Leone. She was black-black. Couldn’t find her in the dark black. And very african. I found her attractive. She was also attractive enough to be holding down a lead part in a TV sitcom aimed at the black market. But if you photoshopped her white she would have been hideously ugly. By white standards. It’s a different metric. What was right on her wouldn’t be right on a white girl, although it could work the other way. From a white perspective. How it would look from a black perspective, I don’t know. I’m not black. I notice a lot of black guys seem to favour heftier white girls.
    I’d say the problem for a black, land-whale dyke who writes for the Graun is she has her own metric problems. She’s not going to find women who fancy people like her on Tinder, because women who fancy people like her aren’t on Tinder. Wrong marketplace. By opting for Tinder she’s discriminating against non-Tinder users. Or we could say, the sort of woman who isn’t going to get particularly damp in the gusset because she writes for the Graun. But might if she can knock up a decent tenderloin ‘n grits

  21. “There’s vastly more genetic diversity among “blacks” from Africa than there is here”: up to a point, Lord Copper.

    It’s said that the vast bulk of that diversity is restricted to pygmies, bushmen/hottentots, and some third small group whose name escapes me.

    There, are, however, people who speculate that there might be a deeper layer of diversity amongst “mainstream” Africans by virtue of the DNA of extinct varieties of human – much as Europeans are a bit Neanderthal and Papuans a bit Denisovan.

    Lord knows what lessons ancient DNA will teach next, and Lord knows who will be brave enough to publish them.

  22. Is she on the right dating platform?

    I thought Tinder was for hetero dates. Grindr for gays but I don’t know if there’s a lesbo equivalent. Rubbr or ClamJoustr perhaps? Is there an opportunity there?

  23. Several people have tried such for lesbos. Doesn’t work. The usual diagnosis being that there aren’t enough lesbos interested in casual sex. And not just as a joke reason, there just aren’t enough in any geographic area to sustain a network.

  24. Steve,

    That was more Bond covering his arse. He had to shag her so Zorin wouldn’t think he was doing anything he shouldn’t.

    Bond frequently shags women to get information or to help him.

  25. “Bond frequently shags women to get information or to help him.”

    Poor man. The things he suffers for GB

  26. Stu,
    Leave the poor girl alone. She’s clearly got enough on her plate.
    Enough? I think she’s been back for seconds more than once.

  27. @TimW
    There’s also the other thing. The bubble thing. Noticed it a lot. There’s a presumption amongst avid users of this ‘ere interweb that everyone else is an avid user of this ‘ere interweb. And it simply isn’t nearly true. There’s enormous numbers of people use it rarely, if at all. Even amongst the young. And you won’t, necessarily, get much social interaction between users & non-users because the differences between users & non-users are why they are one or the other. Different lifestyle, different mindset, all sorts of things.
    It’s like dating sites. The sort of person you’re going to meet on a dating site is the sort of person goes on dating sites. For a start you’re excluding all the people who have full social lives, know lots of people & don’t have any trouble finding dates. While you’re clicking through the profiles, they’re out having a good time & getting laid.

  28. The picture of the woman with the pink hair and nose ring is not of the author. Far too attractive. Aurielle Marie (easily searchable) is on another level.

  29. The Pedant-General

    No comment on article? No further comment necessary.

    How do the CiF editors/commissioners sleep at night: not only do they know they are printing sh*te, they know that we know they know.

  30. There was a joke on a tv show that that lesbian version of tinder was called twat nav which made me laugh

  31. I sneeze in threes

    PJF,

    Bond’s father was Scottish, mother Swiss, so definitely wouldn’t be inclined to hand his money over to the tax man. (I know you mean Connery, but Connery did apparently influence Fleming’s development of the backstory).

  32. “It has become my job to remind the people in my life that the burden of their anti-black conditioning falls on me.”

    Her anti-black conditioning is working on me.

    Her anti-fat ass conditioning is working on me, too.

  33. These people do realise that a septum ring is what is used to harness, possess, and stamp ownership on domestic livestock, don’t they? They are quite literally aspiring to be cattle.

  34. Bloke in Germany in Cambridge

    No, you just have deviated,

    .
    .

    Actually, let’s not go there on a family forum like this.

  35. Queer doesn’t mean gay anymore. It means not heterosexual or not cisgender.

    Basically its a term used by people who don’t think ‘gay’ or ‘lesbian’ makes them special enough.

    Oh, and unless she’s 6ft 6in she’s grotesquely obese.

    So, basically, she’s complaining that she’s a JIS driver in a world of Phillips and Flatheads – but its ‘anti-Black bias’ that’s the problem. Yeah, right.

    “It has become my job to remind the people in my life that the burden of their anti-black conditioning falls on me.”

    Hence why fewer and fewer people remain in your life – they just don’t want to place that burden on you.

  36. PJF: Um, yes. As to Stu’s comment, if she has enough on her plate she shouldn’t be emoting all over the Graun and attracting that kind of attention. But Googling shows up someone who has and definitely wants a public persona & the Graun shit is just more publicity. In that case she has to take the lumps that the public throw.

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