As has been pointed out around here

A very large number of plots used in the past simply don’t work these days because cellphones. You’ve got to start inventing batteries dying, no access to electricity, wandering into an area with no coverage. Even, in a recent novel, the holding place of the good guy being built as a Faraday Cage.

That is, you’ve got to stretch credulity into order to make many plot points work:

Disney has announced that it is to remake Home Alone, almost three decades after the original version hit cinemas. Bob Iger, CEO of Disney, said the film would be revived as a result of the company’s $71.3 billion (£58.7bn) acquisition in March of 20th Century Fox, which made the Macaulay Culkin original.

Mr Iger said Disney was “focused on leveraging Fox’s vast library of great titles to further enrich the content mix”, adding that his company planned to remake popular Fox films including Night at the Museum, Diary of a Wimpy Kid and Cheaper by the Dozen for “a new generation.”

The news was greeted with dismay by many fans of the original. Vice published an article headlined: “Disney Is Trying to Remake ‘Home Alone’ and Must Be Stopped”, and film executive Franklin Leonard tweeted: “Prayers up for the writers who have to solve the cell phone problem in a rebooted Home Alone.”

Well, yes.

33 thoughts on “As has been pointed out around here”

  1. Mrs bloke watched that film so many times she wore out the DVD. I know that used to happen with VHS tapes, but discs?

  2. It shows the utter artistic and moral bankruptcy of the Kalifornica leftist arts mafia that remakes of films that were already moneymakers is all they have in the bag.

    Esp when they promptly spoil their attempt at cash cow milking by poisoning the remakes with “woke” cockrot injections like some kind of poisoned botox..

  3. I hear Disney are remaking ‘Titanic’. Only this time it will have a happy ending as, just in time, a small dog will alert the captain to the dangers of the iceberg.

  4. Interesting to speculate how they’re going to mess this up. A PoC family maybe? A stupid father obviously. The ingenious child home alone will be the daughter. Baddies still white, naturally. I wonder how they’ll shoehorn in the entirely non-stereotypical streetwise black lady .

  5. I started watching a dreadful film the other day called ‘Overlord’. Can’t be arsed two explain the schlock horror plot but it was set during the D-Day landings. Paratroopers involved. One member of the squad African-American, sergeant of the squad also African-American.

    Number of mixed race combat units in the US army in WWII was none.

    I’m sure that within a couple of years they’ll remake ‘Saving Private Ryan’ only this time Ryan will be a transsexual and the Tom Hanks character will be played by a feisty young girl fighting the Nazis and sexism at the same time.

  6. You’ve also got nearly 30 years difference in attitudes to children.

    Kid out on his own at night in 1990? People would be like “seems a bit late, but OK”. Today: “WTF? Call child services”.

    It’s why remakes generally fail. Films are a product of their times. They come from that world.

  7. Spider-Man: Homecoming rather brilliantly solved the cellphone problem twice. Neither felt shoehorned, either.

  8. “Kid out on his own at night in 1990? People would be like “seems a bit late, but OK”. Today: “WTF? Call child services”.

    Jeez BoM4! Where do you live? Where I used to, it’d be “Where’s the other ten little bastards going to key the car & spray-bomb the front wall?” Kids that age have a lot in common with the Mongol Horde

  9. “focused on leveraging Fox’s vast library of great titles to further enrich the content mix”

    Translated : ‘they will kill all the fun in shows to force a PC agenda and rely on the fact that the previous ones were successes so that people will watch them’

    Too late guys. People are already aware that remakes always relied on CGI and nowadays remakes also puts so much PC stuff in them. I, ad I’m sure many more, won’t be paying to watch these unless the first real people, not reviewers, report it is great.

  10. I, for one, am looking forward to Disney-Marvel-Fox’s #woke remakes.

    HOOK – A gritty drama about a gang of underprivileged youths terrorising a disabled gay Navy veteran

    E.T. – the uplifting story of a courageous Somali Congresswoman and her bruthband trying not to go home from Trump’s America

    FLIGHT OF THE NAVIGATOR – Toxically masculine 80’s kid travels forward in time to bully today’s youth

    BIG – He IDENTIFIES as a 10 year old boy, bigots!

    SONG OF THE SOUTH – (cancelled)

  11. Interesting on remakes of course is that Bollywood copies western films without shame and never having heard of copyrights.

    They just stick a song and dance routine in the middle.

    “Sachdev’s List” with the camp inmates spontaneous and energetically choreographed dance routine as they head to the gas chambers is a corker*

    *not yet actually made but probably in production.

  12. Yes. I’ve pointed out many times – can’t remember if I have on here particularly – that many types of plot are becoming almost impossible due to technology.
    It’s not just the obvious whodunnit problem where DNA, CCTV etc would wreck many Agatha Christie, Columbo, Murder She Wrote etc type plots but also many non-whodunnits.
    Huge numbers of thrillers and horror films depend on one or a small number of characters being isolated from outside help in their battle against a deranged killer, alien or monster. Isolation is now much harder.
    Many war films centred on small groups of cut-off soldiers.
    Many dramas have revolved around deceptions and mysteries enduring for days or years which could now be revealed instantly by the internet.
    Detectives had to interrogate and pursue suspects, witnesses and contacts in order to find out information now readily available.
    I suggested that increasingly more such films were going to have to be set in the past in order to bypass the technology problem and slowly I think that this is already happening.

  13. Mr Iger said Disney was “focused on leveraging Fox’s vast library of great titles to further enrich the content mix”

    ====
    Translated from corporate lying-speak:
    “We are raping these works made by others because we have neither the intelligence, creativity, nor desire to come up with original ideas.”

    This is now the quintessential Hollywood mindset, which is why I’m increasingly watching anime.

  14. Gunker,

    Its stories padded out to a runtime, generally with a bad ending (because by that point, they’ve got your money). Like, who is rewatching The Sopranos, 24, or Heroes? Would you go through the dozens of hours of Lost again?

    There’s a lot of big, loud, crap Hollywood movies, but there’s loads of great movies still made every year.

  15. The original Home Alone, besides being complete shit as entertainment, was nothing more than a rehash of old Three Stooges routines pasted onto a minor subplot lifted from All Monsters Attack.

    Go for it Disney! You can’t fuck up what wasn’t worth a shit in the first place.

  16. JS SAID:
    “increasingly more such films were going to have to be set in the past in order to bypass the technology problem”

    Or lots of movies about Amish?

    Or, heck, just set them down here in Dorset; my mobile doesn’t work in either of the two nearest towns, never mind in the countryside.

  17. Most series of 24 were very good, absolute box-set binge territory, but I’m not sure they are worth a rewatch. Yet. Maybe leave it another 10 years.

    Breaking Bad, however…

  18. Maybe they’ll go all in on the Macaulay is a ghost theory.
    Seem to recall there’s a Colin Dexter Morse Novel that wasn’t filmed and they did an adaption with another title as the book relied on something visual which would be obvious on film but on paper author can describe it without giving away the clue so obviously

  19. Huge numbers of thrillers and horror films depend on one or a small number of characters being isolated from outside help in their battle against a deranged killer, alien or monster. Isolation is now much harder.
    Many war films centred on small groups of cut-off soldiers.

    They were much cheaper to make. Nowadays, CGI can paint in as many extras as you need.

  20. @Andrew C August 8, 2019 at 8:53 am

    Imagine Dads Army remake:

    Jones – “They like it up them”
    Frasier – “They are aweful, but I like them”
    Pike – “Come on in Mr Kraut, here’s your free housing”

    @Steve

    Very good

    @Dennis, Auteur

    Yep. However, still entertaining on a wet Sunday afternoon.

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