Self partnered

We have another word to describe this:

First came ‘conscious uncoupling’, a description of divorce that was introduced to the world by Gwyneth Paltrow.

Now comes a new celebrity term for singledom. Emma Watson has announced that she is not single: she is “self-partnered”.

The 29-year-old actress told Vogue magazine that the pressure to have a husband and a baby by the time she turns 30 had left her feeling anxious, but she has now come to terms with it.

“I was like, ‘Why does everyone make such a big fuss about turning 30? This is not a big deal…’ Cut to 29, and I’m like, ‘Oh my God, I feel so stressed and anxious.

“And I realise it’s because there is suddenly this bloody influx of subliminal messaging around. If you have not built a home, if you do not have a husband, if you do not have a baby, and you are turning 30, and you’re not in some incredibly secure, stable place in your career, or you’re still figuring things out… There’s just this incredible amount of anxiety.”

She went on: “I never believed the whole ‘I’m happy single’ spiel. I was like, ‘This is totally spiel.’ It took me a long time, but I’m very happy [being single]. I call it being self-partnered.”

“Spinster”.

Or, as the Kiwi bird put it some years back. “Buy a cat and a vibrator. Hey, it works for me!”

27 thoughts on “Self partnered”

  1. And I was like, you just know how this will pan out, and she was like, whoa, don’t be so judgmental, and I was like, it was like, so like, karma, but then she was like, this is destiny not karma, but I was just so like, whatverrr.

  2. Hopefully that will be the end of her line and a few less idiots in the world. She can look back in the long years to come and reflect on her youthful wisdom.

  3. Bloke in North Dorset

    She obviously hasn’t heard that its quite fashionable to marry yourself.

    And then you can have an affair like normal(ish) women:

    For many of us, our worst nightmare is our other half cheating.

    For Sophie Tanner, this issue becomes slightly more complex after she revealed she had cheated on herself…

    Before you begin to question how that’s even possible, you need to cast yourself back to 2015 when Tanner married herself.

  4. The acting industry converts people with some intelligence into politicised gibbering fuckwits with breathtaking effectiveness and efficiency. Just imagine if Watson hadn’t got the Potter gig as a kid. She’d likely be some sort of PR lady living in Putney with her fella.
    The saddest, hardest case of this is in my view Myriam Francois. Who? Anyone remember the youngest sister in Sense and Sensibility? Captain Margaret. Well she’s now the wokest hardest lefty bitch in the universe. According to Wiki she converted to Islam and ‘She delivers regular talks to private companies and institutions on the impact of structural whiteness’. Sad. A woman who is truly beautiful on the outside and hideous on the inside.

  5. Bloke in North Dorset

    Baron Jackfield,

    Not sure about that one but this one was written for Tim Newman:

    It turns out that, a mere two years after Sophie vowed to love and honour herself ’til death do her part, she has cheated on herself.

    Sophie ended up having an affair (of sorts) with Ruari Barrett, a polyamorist who was apparently monogamous while going out with Sophie. They were together for five months. Despite it not working out with Ruari, something obviously struck a chord with him because he ended up marrying himself too – and claims to have given up polyamory for good.

    This lot could keep a psychiatry conference busy for a week.

  6. “I was like…OMG!!! Un she was like…un I was like…”

    Her ideal partner will come along once Geordie Shore has stopped filming.

    Witter witter toil and Twitter.

  7. ” Cut to 29, and I’m like, ‘Oh my God, I feel so stressed and anxious.”

    The Wall (h/t the late Heartiste) approaches.

  8. Marry a billionaire then divorce him. that’s what i’d do in your shiny red shoes emma. viz Elon Musk’s ex.

  9. Bloody hell, Hermione’s nearly 30?

    Fruit flies like an arrow and all that.

    Member when feminists and manginas promised us that letting women vote and own shoes and whatnot would double the intellectual potential of the human race? Here’s what an Oxbridge AND Ivy League grad has to say:

    “I never believed the whole ‘I’m happy single’ spiel. I was like, ‘This is totally spiel.’ It took me a long time, but I’m very happy [being single]. I call it being self-partnered.”

    Yeah.

  10. “I never believed the whole ‘I’m happy single’ spiel. I was like, ‘This is totally spiel.’ It took me a long time, but I’m very happy [being single]. I call it being self-centred”.

    FIFY

  11. @ Steve: Here’s what an Oxbridge AND Ivy League grad has to say

    Yes, but she was at Hogwarts too. Lots of wand lessons but English language neglected.

  12. TMB – Oh yeah. Tbf you can’t blame Old Hogswartians for the gaps in their education on account of all the times a disgruntled former pupil kept trying to kill them.

    Dunno why nobody thought to implement a wand ban tho.

  13. Also, I reckon whoever was the Latin master at Hogswarts was as much of a shameless fraud as that squirrely white guy who culturally appropriated a turban.

    “Expelliarmus”, my arse.

  14. Steve: Dunno why nobody thought to implement a wand ban tho.

    Good thought but I imagine that a wand or two is pretty central to self-partnering. Slytherin, if you know what I mean…

  15. Dennis, Partnered and Coupled

    It will all change when she hits 30 and goes mad, as all single women do.

    I think Emma’s arrived a bit early at that party.

  16. ‘The 29-year-old actress told Vogue magazine that the pressure to have a husband and a baby by the time she turns 30 had left her feeling anxious, but she has now come to terms with it.’

    The ironing being that in 30 years, she will be giving out the SAME advice. By then she’ll realize it was GOOD advice.

  17. “@ Steve: Here’s what an Oxbridge AND Ivy League grad has to say”

    Not an Oxford grad. Tried for years to get in, but was turned down. Ended up going to Brown University from where she spent some time at Oxford as an exchange student.

    My daughter’s ex-boyfriend was an Oxford college admissions tutore and turned her down many times.

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