Well honey, he did

While foxes are not a protected species, anyone viewing them as expendable vermin should be aware that this is one of the prime arguments used by foxhunters. Though urban foxes can be huge, they don’t tend to approach humans so there’s little reason to fear them. If Maugham was concerned for his chickens, couldn’t he have just removed them, letting the RSPCA humanely deal with the fox? Keeping chickens in your garden is arguably the kind of affectation that makes people hate the “metropolitan elite” but, if people wish to do so, they should at least make their enclosures fox-proof.

The fox tried to get at the chickens and the fox didn’t get at the chickens. That’s what fox proof means, no?

37 thoughts on “Well honey, he did”

  1. Bloke in North Dorset

    Banning fox hunting was never about the fox, it was about the stereotype of those who go fox hunting.

  2. The delicious irony of this being Soapy Jo warms the heart because:

    1. The “I’ve twatted a fox today, how was your day” tweet was clearly “look at how much of a man I really am and how poor you are”.

    2. “I did it in my wife’s Kimono” translates to “look how much I’m in touch with my feminine side, as I try to extract cash for actions to support transgenders, please join my crowdfunder”.

    3. He’s been spoiling to twat a fox for some time, even though it was a case of mistaken identity. An older tweet (can’t find right now) showed him blaming a fox for a chicken disappearance and threatening it with the baseball bat for a chicken that later turned up in the basement. Should have seen the signs.

    4. This was at his central London home (who keeps chickens in town and doesn’t expect fox issues?), not his windmill home. A man in clearly touch with the people. Perhaps the chickens should have been kept in his operatic recital room for their safety.

    5. The fucker tried to use the law to overturn a democratic decision of the people, many will therefore rightly urge that he burns at the stake of the same law he uses against others. He did try to use his wealth to have a third go at Darren Grimes when the Electoral Commission gave up.

    6. Man who launches expensive litigation, and loses, against so many people should perhaps sample some of his own medicine.

    7. Keeping a baseball bat in your home to “deter intruders” got me a lecture from plod one night. No reason the same shouldn’t apply to him.


  3. How would the filth know you kept a baseball to deter burglars, Noel? “I play the odd game of baseball with the grandkids, officer.”

    How, in fact, would a baseball deter burglars? I’m assuming you don’t have a sign saying “Beware the Baseball Bat” on the letterbox.

  4. As mentioned on another thread, for the deterrence of burglars or despatching of foxes a crow bar is better suited than a baseball bat. More concentrated mass & as they say in fencing, the point usually overcomes the edge. For the confined spaces of the home the 2 foot version is better than the longer varieties. Wielded from the hook end, of course, which aids the balance & stops it being pulled from your grasp by any surly foxes.

  5. It is devoutly to be hoped that Jolly Old Prawn gets his collar felt by the filth. Not because clubbing urban foxes with a baseball bat is ispo facto wrong but on the simpler grounds that he is a cunt.

  6. @BiCR

    Yep, the fact he is a total twat is why this is so funny. I’m with JuliaM – it’s been a riot seeing him hosted by his own petard.

  7. Jolyon Maugham QC was a hero to many. Then he beat a fox to death

    As Christopher Snowden says, “banter era”.

    Anyway, the first rule about fox club(ing) is no-one talks about fox club(ing).

  8. ” Keeping chickens in your garden is arguably the kind of affectation that makes people hate the “metropolitan elite””

    umm no, that’s pretty neutral to me, it’s not an affectation if you look after them and like eggs. It’s just a hobby. It’s as innocuous as beekeeping in my book. Keeping a cockerel as well (which i’ve heard is thought to help egg production) is pretty annoying for the neighbours (An old next-door-but-one did this, and yes it woke me up at dawn regularly but i didn’t hate the guy for doing what he loved).

  9. “It’s just a hobby. It’s as innocuous as beekeeping in my book.”
    ‘Cept a couple of items. In a small urban garden your neighbour, the other side of the fence, is two foot away from the smell of the fowl things. And chickens are a rat magnet, a benefit you share with everyone else in the street.

  10. “Keeping a baseball bat in your home to “deter intruders” got me a lecture from plod one night….”


    In this country we use CRICKET bats…

  11. BIS Yes, and bees are confounded buzzing creatures, not without their impact on neighbours, not least multiple attempts to flog you some honey. But i was thinking both ‘affectation’ and ‘hatred’ missed the mark by quite a way. I’m not adverse to a kimono either, unless i suppose it was the full actual kimono rather than the flimsy dressing gown version, now that would be an affectation worthy of strong emotion but even then he may have been practicing the role of yum yum at the local am op soc (metro elite chapter).

  12. @Various: “Keeping a baseball bat in your home to “deter intruders” got me a lecture from plod one night….”

    I guy I shared a house with at uni told me his previous shared place was on Dartmoor and they had a similar lecture after the visiting constabulary, doing the rounds to warn people about a dangerous escaped convict, spotted bats & golf irons in a rack near the front door.

    “For burglars, sir?” queried one with raised eyebrow.

    “Yah. Gives them a sporting chance”, came the reply from the shotgun owning flatmates.

  13. Eggs from your own hens (and food grown on your own allotment) were not subject to rationing under Attlee so maybe Jolyon was preparing for the advent of a Corbyn government?

  14. “What’s especially unfortunate is that I’ve already started to investigate the enormous harm done by factory farming, with a view to acting in that space in 2020. It would be a pity if my misguided tweets inhibited that. I’ll try to do better.”

    So, crowdfunded legal actions next year against the producers upon which the population depend for food.

    My eggs are provided by the hens I keep outside. The rest of you disgusting, thick, northern Brexit-voting proles who want eggs can fuck off

  15. An acquaintance kept a sword-stick in his umbrella stand. I suppose it’s quite a good idea – he knows that the apparent walking stick isn’t, the burglar knoweth not.

  16. Back to the article

    Couldn’t the RSPCA humanely remove the foxes?

    There speaks a townie

    If you ‘remove’ a.fox (somewhat euphemistically as the RSPCA isn’t going to release it anywhere…) another will move in

    Urban foxes exist because life is relatively easy for them in urban areas

    The only way to get rid of them is remove their access to food. Might mean Metropolitan virtue signallers actually tackling their waste practices instead of lecturing everyone else

    Ps foxes eat vegan food too

  17. bloke in spain said:
    “as they say in fencing, the point usually overcomes the edge”

    Ah, but as we old sabreurs say, when asked why we chose that weapon, “because you can’t decapitate with the point”.

  18. I’ve never killed a fox. A ‘roo, a cow, two snakes, several eels, but never a fox.

    Maybe it could be a new sport – a large-calibre airgun fires a fox towards you and you try to kill it with one swipe of your baseball bat. More fun than paint-balling?

  19. Chickens are rat magnets?
    No, think you are referring to the owners. The chickens themselves will attack a rat if one got into the run. However if the owner leaves food lying about in the garden for any bugs, mammals etc to eat then its the owner attracting rats.

    When putting the girls away at night clearing up any leftover food takes seconds. Easy to do
    Easy to not do too.

    Dead easy to fox proof a chicken run. The supplies to do it are sold by multiple companies.
    Most chicken owners in urban areas don’t lose their flock every night. Perhaps they know more than people who do lose a hen?

  20. And chickens are a rat magnet, a benefit you share with everyone else in the street.

    In my previous inner city living days, one of the benefits I shared with the street was three cats that killed every rat or mouse in (or out of) sight. Vicious little buggers. Foxes are tame by comparison.

  21. Ltw – you were lucky to only share 3.
    Our bit of street has 8 houses, between us we have 18 cats and 3 foxes using the back gardens.
    And my neighbour once had a go at me about rat droppings on her driveway – like somehow it was my fault. She threatened to call environmental health about the rats, I agreed with her and told her to do it.
    Which annoyed her no end!
    Oh and every morning she chucked some kitchen waste out on the green for the local birds. Never could think that she was the sole person attracting rats!

  22. As annoying as the raccoons are locally since one moved into the area there’s been a lot less rats and we live next to a creek.
    Cats aren’t a problem, raccoons and coyotes usually get them if they are outdoors. Chickens my wife would like but local regulations are complicated and include electric fences. I think the regulations are more to discourage people keeping chickens so the bears and cougars don’t have another urban food source than stop the wide variety of things that would kill them.

  23. @bis

    As mentioned, I have a 3 foot crowbar. Also a 2ft and 2 x 2’6″ breaker-bars

    For something innocuous, a 2-3 foot length of power steering hose is very effective

    I do hope RSPCA prosecute him as I doubt he dispatched fox with one blow; more likely he relished giving it a slow vengeful torture to death

    @December 29, 2019 at 11:58 am

    +1 I wonder if he’s breaching deeds/covenants

  24. There must be allotment-holders with chickens and goats who’ve done similar when a predator has broken in. Or rangers who’ve found a fox still alive in a trap of a morning after it had unsuccessfully tried to gnaw its own leg off, who decided to stove the vermin’s head in.
    I hope any charges against Jolyon are dropped. Just because he is rightly disliked round here doesn’t mean he should be prosecuted for this, and neither should being a self-obsessed twat on twitter be punishable.

  25. Bloke in Costa Rica

    Pcar: I have a machete, a hatchet and a KA-BAR. When funds permit they are likely to be augmented with a Glock 22 or similar in .40S&W and a Mossberg 930.

  26. @Bongo, have you read about Darren Grimes’ experience over the last year or so, and Maugham’s involvement with it?

    Maughsm should be crushed wherever and however possible.

  27. If Darren Grimes launches a crowdfunder to prosecute the cunt for animal cruelty, I’ll happily chip in a few quid

  28. ” if people wish to do so, they should at least make their enclosures fox-proof.” and in an urban environment sound proof the bloody things.

  29. @BiCR

    Those lead projectile ejector contraptions are incredibly effective at dispatching all forms of vermin


    I’d prefer a driver crowd funder, why not use our diverse imports for public good?

    Eurosceptic peer reveals hilarious plan to eliminate him…

  30. Can trans hens lay eggs?

    “Power steering hose”

    How far you have fallen.

    I have various pistols with which to fight my way to my AR-10. Breaking into my house would be a seriously bad decision. Likely fatal.

    My state has ‘Castle Doctrine’ legislation. A homeowner has no duty to retreat. You break in, you get shot. Too bad, so sad.

    By the way, there haven’t been any break ins around here in a lot of years. SURPRISE!

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