Amazin’, Innit?

The dilemma I have a nine-month-old daughter and have begun to return to work. Before I gave birth I was sure this wouldn’t be a difficult decision; I’ve never been maternal and my career has always been a priority, so a pay decrease and inevitably getting overlooked for projects and progression wasn’t on the cards. However, watching her grow has been the most rewarding and enjoyable period of my life and I feel guilty. She loves nursery, but the thought of her interacting with her care workers more than me makes me very upset. I feel as if I’d be throwing these early years away. My partner would happily drop some of his hours, but his work won’t allow it, whereas I am offered much more flexibility. It seems like a privilege to even have this option, but I feel my whole identity has changed and everything I thought was important is being challenged. Every mum I’ve spoken to says I’m more likely to regret the time I didn’t spend with her, and I think they’re right. It feels as if I’m taking a gamble whichever decision I make.

If only we’d ever had a society which recognised this.

11 thoughts on “Amazin’, Innit?”

  1. I don’t know whether I’m more disgusted that she decided to have a child despite as it then seemed to her not actually wanting one, and being prepared to ditch it as soon as she could, than I am reading her groping towards the idea that she is entitled to feel gloomy about her privilege.

  2. Guardian women writers. If you took the upper-case I out of their keyboards they would be completely unable to form a sentence.

  3. nine months back to work eh- so Dear Dilemma took the max time off. I’d say it’s a fair bet mum’s looking for validation of her already made decision to get a starbucks loyalty card.

    Mariella displays the art of the aunty well. Proffer cake, advise how delicious it is and warn that it’s often a good idea to keep hold of it. I’d parse her advice into – Whatever you do, do it for you love. 1)that’s what you’ll do anyway. 2)Unless you’re a mess of regret and resentment baabie will probably be fine in a nursery 3)18 years hence you’ll never know what was the right decision was and your teen won’t care in the slightest.

  4. Here’s the thing: you can make this work. Here’s the trade-off: you drive a beater, you go on holiday to inland France rather than Australia. You drink Aldi gin instead of an obscure craft one costing twice the price. You eat more meals at home rather than out (but hey, mum, you now have time to do this). You play on last generation’s console rather than this one.

  5. Cruelly brainwashed by the Patriarchy into thinking the tender years of her own little girl are more valuable than filling out TPS reports for some company that wouldn’t hesitate to outsource her job to India if it thought it’d save 20p

  6. Gamecock said:
    “So, it turns out she’s a mammal.”

    Yes, but she’s trying to self-identify as a seagull.

  7. Christ what an asshole. I’d pity the daughter if it weren’t for the mathematical certainty she’ll one day be a Karen Kommissar sentencing men to death for sitting improperly on the train or somesuch.

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