This might not work you know

The Government should pay graduates to undertake internships at businesses struggling because of the coronavirus pandemic, leading universities say….

Some wet behind the ears graduate – this is before we consider grievance studies etc – is a cost to a business, not an asset. For the first 6 to 18 months at least.

So, why do you want to add to the costs of a struggling business?

22 thoughts on “This might not work you know”

  1. Alternative headline: Universities concede failure to produce employable graduates.

    However, Tim, it seems the academics want the poor bloody taxpayer to fund unemployable graduates cluttering up businesses. The cost to business would only be the desk space and the time it takes to say “Milk no sugar for me, son. Then fuck off out of the way for a bit.”

  2. Depends on the individual graduate and the job. Where I work, we expect graduates to be turning out useful code in about 2-3 months but we only take the best. If the government want to pay us to do what we would be doing anyway, that’d be nice.

  3. “The cost to business would only be the desk space…”

    Oh no! There’s the costs of induction, paperwork, training, mentoring, etc.

  4. Bloke in North Dorset

    Oh no! There’s the costs of induction, paperwork, training, mentoring, etc.

    And no doubt a large amount of time reporting to government bureaucrats charged with running the scheme to ensure all sorts of quotas and targets have been met.

    Methinks Matt would soon find those overheads not worth the benefits.

  5. Maybe the graduates could be given some useful insights into life and work. Get them to rewrite Equality and Diversity policies in accordance with their pristine wokeness, and then do a sales pitch to the assembled workforce on a hot and sticky Friday afternoon.

  6. MC,

    “Alternative headline: Universities concede failure to produce employable graduates.”

    There’s about 20% of graduates whose jobs depend on what they learned at university: economists, software developers, people in drug research, vets. The other 80% are just one better than A levels.

    I’m pretty sceptical about the value of comp sci degrees nowadays, to be honest. I’d rather talk to some kid building games or writing open source code and sticking it on Github.

  7. Here’s a suggestion. In my experience about half of the people in any enterprise are there to prevent the other half from achieving anything. Put the interns there. You get the unwanted interference free, and not done well. And nobody has to come along and fix it afterwards because it doesn’t matter.

  8. “Wet behind the ears graduate”

    An apt description for the author of this piece and most of his telegraph colleagues these days.

    A slight mitigating factor is that by clicking on his name one sees that the poor lad has been restricted to penning Maddie McCann rehashes for the past few weeks.

  9. So Much For Subtlety

    Steve Sailor keeps pointing out that unpaid interns ain’t cheap. You hire a bunch of them and pretty soon you can’t publish Woody Allen, they insist JK Rowling is a Nazi and they demand you cut ties to the police.

    Better off finding a bright boy with three O levels.

  10. ‘The Government should pay graduates to undertake internships at businesses’

    If you are going to do this, leave the ‘university’ thing out altogether. Start ’em a few years earlier. Maybe an internship with the Royal Fusiliers.

    ‘leading universities say’

    [citation needed]

    ‘Universities UK, the representative organisation for the UK’s universities’

    Golly, is Jaime lying?

  11. SMFS,

    “Steve Sailor keeps pointing out that unpaid interns ain’t cheap. You hire a bunch of them and pretty soon you can’t publish Woody Allen, they insist JK Rowling is a Nazi and they demand you cut ties to the police.

    Better off finding a bright boy with three O levels.”

    The problem is that the bright boy with three O levels wants paying well. Publishing doesn’t pay well, especially when you consider London costs because it gets posh girls living on Daddy’s money who really want to do it. If the cost of that is the occasional thing like losing Woody Allen (who isn’t really that big any more), it’s probably still worth it.

    If you’re a bright boy with 3 O levels, you should be learning to code.

  12. Ah, a “grievance studies” graduate.

    I am struggling to think of any conceivable reason for me to employ such a person.

  13. @ SMFS
    O levels were abolished years ago. If you mean 3 A levels and unpolluted by the PC attitude of most universities I should wholly agree.

  14. So Much For Subtlety

    Bloke on M4 June 25, 2020 at 11:13 am – “If the cost of that is the occasional thing like losing Woody Allen (who isn’t really that big any more), it’s probably still worth it.”

    Is it occasional? The publishing industry is really bad at its job. It is out done by self publishing on Amazon. Three dozen publishing houses turned JK Rowling down. Now, sure, it is shit. But it has been very profitable shit for Bloomsbury or whoever picked it up.

    If it wasn’t for textbooks would they survive even another decade?

    The rage against the boss thing is just the cherry on top of a big dysfunctional cake.

  15. Bloke on M4: Yep, modern CompSci is “office admin”. It’s today’s equivalent of keeping track of the staples and replacing broken pencils.

    It was starting to get there when I did CompSci 30 years ago, I spent two years thinking “when are we going to do some, y’know, *actual* computing?”. Not realising until afterwards that in their terms “computing” was “driving a car” not “automotive engineering”, that I should have been thinking “programming” not “computing”. An easy mistake to make, as I’d spent eight years programming computers and building hardware, and in my mind, it *was* “computing”. After all, what else was it? I bought computer magazines, read and wrote computer articles, programmed and build hardware for computers. It. Was. Computing.

    I realised later that I should have sought out courses called “electrical engineering”, but if I’d been told that at the time I’d have replied “yerwot? I’ve been programming computers for eight years, I want to do computing stuff, not be an electrician”, reinforcing my evidenced opinion that the school’s careers adviser was a moron*.

    *I found my school careers advice notes some time ago. It said: would suit a career in local government administration.

  16. To add to which, I’d dome three summers work experience programming and building hardware in the local hospital Medical Physics department, so had been mentally primed that university would be a continuation of that.

    Boy, was I let down.

  17. If you’re a bright boy with 3 O levels who is interested in coding, you should have already have been coding for four years.

  18. SMFS,

    “Is it occasional? The publishing industry is really bad at its job. It is out done by self publishing on Amazon. Three dozen publishing houses turned JK Rowling down. Now, sure, it is shit. But it has been very profitable shit for Bloomsbury or whoever picked it up.”

    It took me some time to get Harry Potter, but what I realised that kids just like all the *stuff*. It’s 99% setting and props. Here’s a magic thing, and here’s another magic thing, and here’s another. It’s like watching the plot of Enter the Dragon or Debbie Does Dallas, except that no-one talks like their writers are literary giants.

  19. Grad Inrern: Free Cleaners, Gardeners, Trolley Collectors… for businesses

    @jgh
    When I was in final year and on milk round in late 80s, many IT businesses/depts didn’t want Comp Sci grads – all theory, no skills

    I was BSc Computing & Business and job offers in high teens

    @BoM4
    I dislike JK R due to her lies about her ‘penury in Edinburgh’. Her neighbours now & previous house dislike her too

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