Giant Kielbasa Dongs

Not the phrase I would have thought of but it works:

With their own capital city at their backs, the Poles utterly demolished the entire might of the Soviet army during the “Miracle on the Vistula”, and they did it in the most badass way imaginable – by straight-on bayonet charging a superior force in the hopes of breaking their morale with one ultra-brave display of the Polish military’s giant kielbasa dongs.

17 thoughts on “Giant Kielbasa Dongs”


    Lenin wanted to conquer Western Europe using a southern army to attack through Hungary and on to Italy; his northern army was to push through Poland and invade Germany. The Poles stopped the bastards on the Vistula and chased them away.

    The German thanks and appreciation for this military feat seem to add up to about zero.

  2. So Much For Subtlety

    Not just the Germans. The West has been saved by Poland more than once. But no one cares much.

    Mind you, Poland was a mildly repressively, mildly anti-semitic state at the time only too happy to grab a bit of Czechoslovakia when the Germans gave them a chance. (They also sent soldiers to help the USSR in 1968. But they probably didn’t have a choice then.)

    Still, Gordon Corrigan seems to imply that it was enough to make Britain’s guarantee in 1939 somehow wrong

  3. Bloke in North Dorset


    I haven’t read the book but reading the blurb are they sure Germany was the target? At the time Germany was holding secret talks with the Soviets and would eventually end up training their army there.

    The earliest stages of the German-Russian postwar relationship remain murky. Immediately after the First World War, the German government had little thought for long-term foreign policy as it contended with one internal crisis after another. But a few individuals were able to look beyond the short term. One of them was the visionary Col. Gen. Hans von Seeckt, newly appointed commander of the German army. Seeckt was interested in developing military cooperation with the new Soviet regime and saw Russia as a place where Germany could secretly produce weapons far from the prying eyes of the Allied disarmament inspectors. In early 1920 Seeckt began sending out feelers to the Russian regime through Turkish contacts he had made during the war. These initial forays were conducted privately, without the knowledge or consent of the German government.

    Seeckt was not alone in seeing Russia as a place where Germany might pursue military production. Officials in the German Foreign Office also considered developing economic and military contacts with the Soviet Union, and by 1920 members of the Foreign Office began secret discussions with the Soviet War Ministry about selling German weapons and technology to the Soviet regime.

    And reading around the subject this, from Wiki, really didn’t surprise me:

    Western public opinion, swayed by the press and by left-wing politicians,[citation needed] was strongly anti-Polish.[citation needed] Many foreign observers expected Poland to be quickly defeated and become the next Soviet republic. Britain proposed negotiations between Poland and Russia to stabilize their border at the Curzon line or farther west, but the British proposal was disregarded by the Soviets, who expected a quick victory. Russian terms amounted to total Polish capitulation, and even so Lenin stalled in order to give his armies time to take Warsaw and conclude the war to Russia’s advantage. Britain’s Prime Minister, David Lloyd George, once a strong supporter of Imperial Russia, was now a Soviet sympathizer and authorized British sales of large quantities of armaments (including modern tanks) to fill urgent Soviet orders,[citation needed] at the same time blocking any British moves to aid Poland (which he called a historical mistake).[citation needed]

    Although to be fair it goes on to say that there was a lot of support for the Poles in the British military, they were just overruled.

  4. “Britain’s guarantee in 1939 somehow wrong”: I never understood that guarantee. Obvs there was nothing Britain could have done about an invasion of Poland if France was not prepared to invade Germany.

    Was it Sir Humphrey at work: “something must be done and this is something”?

  5. @BiND: I was relying on the book. But I add that Germany was in turmoil – it was a reasonable guess by Lenin that the Red Army could settle matters in favour of the Communists.

    This is a war I knew nothing about until picking up the book in a second hand bookshop. A good read, I must say.

  6. Bloke in North Dorset


    I didn’t know much about it either and found reading about it on Wiki quite interesting. I’ll add it to the list of subjects I’d like to learn more about, but probably won’t 🙁

  7. The commies made them pay for it from 1944 onwards though didn’t they?


    “Was it Sir Humphrey at work: “something must be done and this is something”?”

    Given that Britain declared war on Germany because it invaded Poland but not the Soviet Union when it invaded Poland: Yes.

  8. @Jonathan.

    Yes, odd little quirk that. Chuck in the Katyn massacre for good measure and it all gets a bit messy.

  9. Hopefully no-one is going to chime in with the story of polish cavalry armed only with lances charging German tanks.

    The Polish, as with many other armies at the time, had horse mounted infantry. But the intention would be to get off the horse and fight, just as infantry in lorries would get out of their lorry. There was, supposedly, an incident when a column of Polish mounted infantry was caught off guard by German tanks.

  10. ” Hopefully no-one is going to chime in with the story of polish cavalry armed only with lances charging German tanks.”

    Funnily enough, the German Army was mostly horse-powered throughout the war. I believe that both they and the Soviets used cavalry on the Eastern front.

  11. dearieme and Ors on the subject of that guarantee:yes. John Charmley is provocative and good on this. Fundamentally, we gave a guarantee we knew we couldn’t possibly fulfill, then beggared ourselves in purporting to fulfill it, before handing the Poles over to the Soviets. And delivering ourselves, permanently it seems, into the hands of ratchet Big State.

    If you’re a conspiracy theory fan, that looks awfully like a win for Sir Humphrey.

    Personally, I don’t think anyone is that clever.

    But you’ve got to admit, it worked out pretty well for the Big State types. Not so well for anyone else, especially the Poles.

    True story: one of the most beautiful women ever to succumb to the Lud charms was Polish. By God, she was toothsome.

  12. Must confess I’ve always thought that Britain and France were foolish to make a guarantee that they couldn’t fulfill except with Russian support. But of course the Russians wanted more from Poland than Hitler had demanded.

    If they’d left well-enough alone, the odds were greater than 50% that Hitler would have attacked Russia not France. But in the event of a Russian/German war there was a very grave danger that either Russia or Germany would win, and in that case the Brits and the Frogs would have been much worse off.

    The only solution to this was treachery, but in real life the US and the UK refused to make a separate peace with Hitler despite Stalin’s worries.

  13. I never understood that guarantee. Obvs there was nothing Britain could have done about an invasion of Poland if France was not prepared to invade Germany.

    France did invade. But the whole thing was timid and bungled, and Poland fell faster than the French could get going.
    So they turned around and legged it.

  14. A subject I do know a bit about, as it happens.

    The Poles didn’t bayonet charge superior forces. Pilsudski trusted his army to hold the Soviets just long enough to outflank their main forces. The result was a a strategic victory, not a battlefield one. (Which, for those who grok this, is much better.)

    The reason he could do this is that the southern Soviet army failed to do its job. The army of Buddieny, Voroshilov and Stalin. The same guys who almost lost WWII. Idiots, as it happens, albeit of “correct” ideology.

    There’s a couple of excellent books on this. Davies “White Eagle, Red Star” and Zamoyski’s “The Battle for the Marchlands”.

    One man — Pilsudski — held his nerve when others were freaking out. A hero, despite his glaring weaknesses.

    If only our modern politicians could do that!

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