So, so, Guardian

I consider myself polyamorous – but my girlfriend finds this hard to accept
She wants us to be faithful to one another, and I want her to feel loved and valued. But I also want more for myself

We used to have a much easier – even more understandable – description of this. “Being male”.

We also used to know what to do about it. Sure, OK, so, and no, don’t. Because that’s what being adult means – controlling some part of who you are.

As that line goes, “In my day we called that shagging around”

12 thoughts on “So, so, Guardian”

  1. My assessment: This is a beta male numpty who lacks the intelligence and money to have a mistress. Either accept the fact you cannot act on your urges or buck you ideas up, start a success business and get yourself a mistress to shag when you wife goes shopping.

  2. What was the old rhyming couplet??

    Hogamus higamus, man is polygamous,
    Higamus hogamus, woman’s monogamous.

    Still true today I believe.

  3. A mug. He wants side dishes but wants the name as well as the game. Find a reliable tart and shag her. Or a new girlfriend who doesn’t care–but then he will be moaning about that. Cos he wants the nice GF more than a mistress.

  4. He’s reached adulthood without learning that you can’t have everything in life, that we all have to compromise. He self-centredly wants the permanency of a girlfriend, but also wants to be able to act on his urges without consequences.

    He thinks he is being “honest” with himself, but he’s going to be chasing something that is almost never attainable and is going to be permanently disappointed and unhappy. Which he will blame on his girlfriend.

  5. We used to call it “being French”. Shagging other women than the missus is obviously wrong, you shouldn’t do it, and you’ll feel guilty. But if you do do it, have the basic human decency to lie about it and keep it a secret for lions’ sake – it’s bad enough to be unfaithful, it’s much worse to also humiliate the woman. Shaggy was correct.

    However, that’s not what this is.

    she is fully aware of my bisexuality

    There’s no such thing as bisexuality. Every single one of them is a semi-closeted homo who still has one foot in the press. Oysters or snails: pick one, and stop being a pussy.

    I have never been in a serious relationship or had sex with anyone except my girlfriend.

    This is a “man in his early 20’s”, mind. Are there no school discos? No neighbourhood Raleighs? No predatory teenage babysitters when you’re 9? No delightfully randy older women in the Marketing department at work? No wonder he’s still confused about the difference between shellfish and land mollluscs. Millennials are saturated in porn, but don’t have the first clue about how to Anglo-Saxon. Cronus did nothing wrong.

    Also, he’s writing a letter to an agony aunt in the Guardian, so definitely a poof.

  6. One does wonder how the bloke would react if his girlfriend said, ‘Yes, you’re right. Here’s the kid. You look after it while I go out and have some more fun with Bill or Bongo or Deng or Ismail or whoever the hell wants to father the next one.’

  7. “she is fully aware of my bisexuality”.
    So, he seems to think his girlfriend will be happy having his cock inside her, with her knowing that it was probably shoved up some bloke’s arse not all that long ago.
    For goodness sake, you moron, please do not breed.

  8. Steve- “Are there no school discos?” from what i can gather there aren’t – only end of school proms that you go to once and are made out to be big life events, which encourage kids to think they’ve made it or failed. Rather than ‘oh well there’s always next term, perhaps next time i shouldn’t wait for the last dance to approach a girl?’

  9. In the vast majority of guardian/telegraph articles of this type it is the woman who wants her cake as well as eating it. I suppose it makes a change to have an equally vacuous self-centred male being the subject.

  10. I’m more surprised this actually made it in print… For soooo many reasons Guardian..

    Someone must have been asleep at the helm..

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