If you’re going to get evolution this twattishly wrong then….

…we can and should disregard everything else you’ve gotto say:

These opposable thumbs are a trait that humans share with our primate cousins such as chimpanzees. But it has only recently been discovered that our thumbs might have first evolved as a device for measuring whether or not fruit was ripe.

Things do not evolve “to do things”. Things evolve by mutation and are then put to use to do things. The change happens first, then the use is determined, not that something is desired therefore the change comes.

And since the rest of the piece is about how we should all stop eating industrial food and get out there and eat summat summat because evolution we can safely disregard that larger argument, can’t we?

We do not have opposable thumbs because they evolved to measure whether fruit was ripe. We have opposable thumbs because we’re descended from those who had more offspring as a result of, possibly just even coincident with, having opposable thumbs.

13 thoughts on “If you’re going to get evolution this twattishly wrong then….”

  1. It is pretty likely that you could enhance your chances of survival by not falling out of trees. I would think that an arboreal lifestyle would inevitably lead to opposable thumbs evolving.

  2. Actually our forefingers evolved to pull triggers. So we could gulp down nice hunks of meat from the things we shot.

  3. From the article:
    “One of the hallmarks of being a hominid is having opposable thumbs: stronger, longer and more flexible than the thumbless hands of a spider monkey”

    Gibberish.

  4. Forefingers used singly seem to be mostly about scratching and picking. I reckon those who excelled at picking their bogeys and scratching their arse derived some evolutionary benefit and dominated the gene pool. Maybe the chicks just dig a nice clean nose / arse and it’s a sexual selection thing.

  5. Evolution seems dubious to me, I’m pretty sure there are no ugly, smelly, shit-flinging chimpanzees with evil little eyes in my family tree (I’m not FRENCH).

  6. I’m very proud that my family tree includes amoebae, slugs, pondlife scum, worms, and little multi-limbed whatsits that ate other little multi-limbed whatsits’ shit. It’s too far back in time for me to have the family portraits though.

  7. Doesn’t even make any sense. Early primates had a highly developed sense of smell. They’d smell ripe fruit half a mile away. They wouldn’t need to swing over & squeeze it.

  8. I would think that an arboreal lifestyle would inevitably lead to opposable thumbs evolving.

    They are also useful for opening tins, which is why cats would like to have them, please.

  9. This is like when journalists try to write about computers or AI.

    “IBM’s Watson knows that the Jeopardy question involves geometry, and it’s thinking about the relationship between sine and cosine…”

    Algorithms are magic, you see.

  10. Let’s be fair to the algorythms.. They’re doing something most journalists cannot possibly hope to achieve, including possibly “thinking”.

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