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Calling poetic parodists – well paid gig available

This is not retirement sort of money on offer, but it is take a lady friend to dinner with a brandy afterwards sort of money.

One of my weirder gigs has come back to me and asked if I write poetry. No, I don’t. However, I have said that I know a couple of people who can do parodies. Take a well known poem then change (with rhyme and scansion) to produce a different message. They would obviously be parodies but that’s part of the fun.

Now, I can’t recall who it is that has dropped more than one of these into the comments over the years. But I know there’re a couple of you who seem to be able to turn out Shakespeare sonnets, or Wordsworth etc, with those changes to the message.

So, anyone interested? Don’t want or need scabrous versions, needs to read straight. But the basic gig would be to provide “a poem” which can be clearly based upon another work. That “new” poem then pushing the message desired. It’s not straight advertising, won;t end up with “Buy Draino!”. But a certain direction to he subject matter all the same.


15 thoughts on “Calling poetic parodists – well paid gig available”

  1. Like:

    Come friendly bombs, on Ely thud
    And rid us of that tosser, Spud!
    He won’t be missed, the man’s a dud,
    He has to go!

    Come, bombs and waste this worthless nark,
    Destroy his fraudulent tax mark,
    His ashes scatter on the park,
    In candid show!


  2. You need to get in touch with the regular contributors to the Spectator literary competition, that they have at the back of the magazine. The same names seem to win on a regular basis and they churn out the sort of stuff you’re wanting for virtually free (£25 to the winning contribution each week)

  3. That’s a good one. Sadly, the only person I knew at the Speccie who could/would help has now become a Cabinet Minister…..

  4. I like having a go at that kind of thing. I’ve not previously done so for public consumption, but would give it a shot.

  5. I do parody re-adaptations.

    To the tune of Barry Norman’s Film Programme/I Wish I Knew How It Would Feel To Be Free:

    When I was a lad I served a term
    As office boy to an attorney’s firm.
    I cleaned the windows
    And I swept the floor
    And I polished up the handle
    Of the big front door

    The handle of
    the big front door.
    I polished up the handle
    so carefully,
    That now I am the ruler of,
    The ruler of the Queen’s Navy.

  6. To the tune of Tom Lehrer’s Who’s Next:

    And “Focus” speads lies and misinformation and must be shut down.
    And “In Touch” spreads lies and misinformation and must be shut down.
    And “Labour Today” spreads lies and misinformation and must be shut down.
    Ok, who have we got left? Ok…
    “The Guardian” spreads lies and misinformation and must be shut down.
    “The Daily Mail” spreads lies and misinformation and must be shut down.
    Who’s next?
    “The Telegraph” spreads lies and misinformation and must be shut down.
    Who’s next?
    “The Express” spreads lies and misinformation and must be shut down.

    Oh, we’ve got the Truth and Truth is good, like apple pie and motherhood.
    But Apple’s got the Truth, but things are still good, who’s next?
    Hey, Google’s got the Truth and so have YouTube,
    But they’re on our side, so I’m no rube, who’s next?
    Hey, InfoWars and Breibart too,
    They’ve got the truth, well who knew? who’s next?
    Hey, that’s not the truth, at least not my truth
    They should only say what I say’s the truth, who’s next?
    Shut them down! shut them down!
    That’s not the truth, I’m no clown, who’s next?
    who’s next?
    who’s next?
    who’s next?

  7. I asked Google’s “Bard” AI –
    “Could you parody Hamlet’s “To be or not to be” soliloquy to be a satire of Socialism?”

    It came up with –
    “To redistribute or not to redistribute, that is the question:

    Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer
    The slings and arrows of outrageous capitalism,
    Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
    And by redistributing, end them?

    Socialism, Socialism, thou art a consummation
    Devoutly to be wished. To redistribute, to sleep;
    To sleep, perchance to dream—ay, there’s the rub:
    For in that sleep of redistribution what dreams may come,
    When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
    Must give us pause: that’s the respect
    That makes calamity of so long life.”

    So no easy money from plugging in an AI, sadly.

  8. Good idea, Geoffers.

    “Redistribution” and “capitalism” and that’s the lot because socialism is built into the AI machine so the task is impossible for AI to undertake because the bad things are good and vice-versa.

  9. Dennis, Unpublished For Obvious Reasons

    What you need is someone to re-work a few of Spud’s posts as blank verse.

    “To tax or not to tax, that is the question:”

    “A tax. a tax! My train set for a tax!”

    That sort of thing.

  10. “A tax. a tax! My train set for a tax!”

    In the style of Kenneth Williams, obvs: “A Tax! A Tax! I only know: attacks!”

  11. I used to do a lot of parody songs/poems. An idea would get hold of me and nag in my head till I got a completed poem.

    Doing it to order, and against a deadline, that might be harder. But I’d be willing to give it a go.

    Feel free to get in touch. Please enclose a photo of the lady I get to take out.

  12. A Lady Hosts Her Book Club

    – to the tune of “Speed bonnie boat like a bird on the wing…”

    Trundling home with Prosecco and crisps
    Over the road I’ve been
    Carry the load of multiple dips
    Ottolenghi’s seldom seen

    Loud the talk sounds
    As we drink second rounds
    The Pergola shakes and might fall
    Books or TV
    Excuses you see
    A good time was had by all

  13. The quality of Murphy is quite strange
    He droppeth fiscal thunderbolts from heaven
    Upon the proles beneath. He is twice blest;
    And blesseth him that takes and takes again…

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