This level of loneliness and isolation doesn’t seem at all ideal for a species that relies on social contact for health, wellbeing, survival, and learning. So why are mothers in our society so lonely?
Some existential loneliness in new motherhood might be inevitable. For example, I found there was an individual existential process I needed to go through to make sense of bringing a life into the world through my body. But much of the isolation felt by new parents is a consequence of how some contemporary societies are structured.
Fewer siblings. Near all women working – rather than cohorts of young Mums all young Mumming at the same time. Could be all sorts of things.
But in late capitalism, time is money, and people are time-poor.
Ah, yes, late capitalism. Silly me, it’s The Guardian, so of course it’s late capitalism.
That we’ve all more leisure time than any previous generation of our species as a result of capitalism does seem to escape people.
Lonely? Our house is always full of children’s laughter.
Is she sure her husband is putting it in the right place?
If time is money and people lack time then, simply put, this woman is losing money by spending time with her baby.
If the modern guardianista begrudges her baby the time she spends with it, this is not late capitalism but selfishness and stupidity.
To be fair, they don’t indulge in disgusting things like working and expecting to get paid. They beg…
They should change their modus operandi to that used by the organisation of which they are the house magazine. Extortion with menaces.
I like the wistful summaries of how those sussed strong women in primitive tribal societies engage in communalistic solutions to all this existential stuff. Sounds great, if you ignore the infant mortality rates.
’…I found there was an individual existential process I needed to go through to make sense of bringing a life into the world through my body.’
PARKLIFE!
Less navel gazing, love, and more getting on with it.
As always, it’s ‘Where are the servants??’
Of course the lady could justly point out that she’s doing a far better job than I would!!
Loneliness is more prevalent in new parenthood than in the general population, and it is more common among certain at-risk groups, such as young parents, immigrant and refugee mothers, mothers without supportive partners, mothers looking after a child with significant health problems, and transgender and non-binary parents.
Good.
In a 2019 survey of parents, 14% of fathers who did not take any statutory leave reported that they were too busy to take time off work.
If we weren’t paying so much in tax, people could afford to take time off work.
This kind of collective raising of children still exists today. A recent study led by Nikhil Chaudhary of the University of Cambridge on the Mbendjele BaYaka hunter-gatherer communities living in rainforests in the northern part of the Republic of the Congo, found that multiple caregiving adults, known as “alloparents” – responded to a crying child more than 40% of the time, as well as providing close care and physical contact
Like the noble and environmentally sensitive Ooga-wooga tribe of Bongo-Bongoland, we should all live in mud huts and eat tasty grubs.
In the early months of motherhood, I sometimes felt that my nervous system simply hadn’t evolved for the continuous physical, psychological one-on-one care that my baby needed, often without any kind of break.
Yes, that’s where your female relatives come in.
The UK’s individualistic culture can come as a shock for people from more collectivist cultures.
Piss off back home then.
If the modern guardianista begrudges her baby the time she spends with it, this is not late capitalism but selfishness and stupidity.
And poor parenting that presages an increase in yoof crime and various idiocies is due course
“More siblings” is a product of the Industrial Revolution. Prior to the IR, families weren’t particularly large. High infant mortality saw to that. Were mothers lonely in Shakespeare’s day?
Bringing a life into the world through her body? Wot, in one end and out the other?
Not content to bore us to death with the pseudo-intellectual bromides of Rhiannon Lucy Cosslett, the Guardian now unleashes the pretentious pseudo-intellectual bromides of Lucy Jones on an unsuspecting readership. Sure, most of the readership deserves it, but still…
What it all boils down to with both of these wymyns is always the same: “Gimme, gimme, gimme…”
And it is worth noting the obvious: Anyone who uses the term “existential loneliness” is full of shit.
Somewhat off topic:
“This level of loneliness and isolation doesn’t seem at all ideal for a species that relies on social contact for health, wellbeing, survival, and learning.”
My reservations with homeschooling in a nutshell.
My reservations with homeschooling in a nutshell.
Social contact pushing homosexuality, transgenderism, hatred of Judaism and Christianity, and love of totalitarianism really isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.
I’ll take homeschooling over the alternative. And with a bit of effort, you can make sure your child has as vibrant a social life as any kid in any school.
This might be the deciding factor on why young mothers go to work. Deduct the childcare costs, the travel costs etc from taxed salary and you’re working for shit pay. But its where all the other women are now.
I note they are both called Lucy. I wonder if RLC is bumping up her take from the G with an alter ego, or perhaps RLC is the invention. Hard to tell. It’s not as if it’s hard to be a multiple person these days.
@ Werstern Bloke
No, it’s the brainwashing. The Graiuniad and its friends tell women that they are better than men at everything including men’s jobs so they should be doing those jobs (unless it’s the ones emptying dustbins or digging holes in the road in the rain/hail/sleet or manning trawlers or rowing lifeboats or …)
You note that the cost of commuting and childcare wipes out most of their after-tax earnings but they have demanded massive subsidies for childcare – to be paid for by men, including childless ones, out of their taxes – to solve that problem.
late capitalism
Anyone who uses this phrase in cold blood is an arsehole and an idiot.
Mbendjele BaYaka hunter-gatherer communities
I’m all for taking lessons from cultures still struggling with fire. Mind you, I bet the women in these communities appreciate their children and don’t see them as a distraction from important gathering work.
much of the isolation felt by new parents is a consequence of how some contemporary societies are structured
No it isn’t you stupid twat, you’re just tired.
John – No, it’s the brainwashing. The Graiuniad and its friends tell women that they are better than men at everything including men’s jobs
Feminism is just Scientology for ugly women.
Southerner,
Home-schooling means meeting up with other home-schoolers regularly. Parents with expertise in specific subjects might teach several home-schooled children. You’re good at English, the mum in the next town is good at maths. So you rotate around the parents. Pure stay-at-home schooling would drive me crazy, as many of us now know from the Covid days.
“ The Graiuniad and its friends tell women that they are better than men at everything including men’s jobs so they should be doing those jobs (unless it’s the ones emptying dustbins “
There’s a young lass on our bin crew, quite good looking as well, and from what I’ve seen she appears to pull her weight.
There’s always an exception.
@ BiND
Now you mention it there was one (not good-looking but not 20 stone either) around here two or three years ago for a couple of collections. She didn’t last more than a month and I’ve never seen another. Maybe she read the Grauniad but didn’t see the nuances until she tried the job
A has a business in Vietnam, been there for years, married a Vietnamese lady, now adult kids, so knows the country. Says it is the most Capitalist country he has seen . Wonder why lefties ever try living in what they probably imagine is a Marxist paradise.
A friend has