But have the state interfere in all of this? That would never do. That might indicate state control, and how could football – which has been utterly debased by neoliberalism to the point where any pretence of there being an actual competition in the Premier League is now farcical – tolerate that? That would be deeply offensive to that neoliberal dogma, and that matters above all else.
We’re getting a national football regulator. But of course it’s still – absolutely, enturely, wholly – that neoliberalism rules the country.
Hell, a regression to merely liberal – do as you please – would be better than Spud’s desires, wouldn’t it?
Why does the government need to step in to regulate a bunch of overpaid wankers kicking around a bag of wind?
Hardly a nationally strategy business is it!
Joe, the purpose of regulation is to pay some of your chums oodles of money for doing SWFA. The last two letters have nothing to do with football, but I think you knew that already. I mention it only to enlighten the troll…
I think we need to regulate Tiddly Winks. I asked an LLM to create a proposal for the legislation. I think we could replace an awful lot of the civil servants and think tank wonks with LLMs.
Creating legislation to regulate the game of Tiddlywinks in the UK might seem unusual, but if the goal is to standardize rules, ensure fair play, and promote the game, here is a proposal outline:
## Title: Tiddlywinks Regulation Act
### Preamble
This Act aims to standardize the rules and regulations of the game of Tiddlywinks, ensure fair play, and promote the game within the United Kingdom.
## Section 1: Definitions
– **Tiddlywinks**: A game played on a felt mat with small discs called “winks,” a pot, and squidgers.
– **Winks**: Small discs of different colors (blue, green, red, and yellow).
– **Squidger**: A larger disc used to flick the winks.
– **Pot**: The target container on the felt mat.
– **Player**: An individual participating in the game.
– **Partnership**: A team of two players playing together.
## Section 2: Standardization of Equipment
– **Felt Mat**: Must measure six feet by three feet and be placed on a hard, flat surface.
– **Winks and Squidgers**: Must conform to the standards set by the English Tiddlywinks Association (ETwA) or other recognized international bodies.
– **Pot**: Must be a standard-sized pot placed at the center of the mat.
## Section 3: Game Rules
### 3.1 Game Structure
– The game is played by four players in pairs or by two players in singles, with each player controlling one or two colors of winks.
– Blue and red winks always partner against green and yellow winks.
### 3.2 Starting the Game
– Players arrange their winks at the corners of the mat opposite their partners.
– The game starts with a “squidge-off” to determine which player goes first.
### 3.3 Gameplay
– Players take turns clockwise.
– A player can flick a wink to try to get it into the pot or to “squop” an opponent’s wink.
– Legal shots must follow specific rules regarding the squidger’s contact with the winks.
### 3.4 Scoring
– Points are awarded based on the number of winks in the pot and the number of unspotted, unsquopped winks.
– The partnership with the most points wins.
## Section 4: Fair Play and Conduct
### 4.1 Legal Shots
– Define what constitutes a legal shot, including the requirement for continuous movement and the prohibition on touching winks not in the same pile.
### 4.2 Fouls and Penalties
– Specify penalties for illegal shots, including the option for opponents to accept the result or have the shot replayed.
### 4.3 Interference
– Rules for handling accidental interference with winks, including restoration to original positions.
## Section 5: Organizational Oversight
– Recognize the English Tiddlywinks Association (ETwA) as the primary governing body for Tiddlywinks in the UK.
– ETwA to be responsible for maintaining and updating the rules, organizing tournaments, and ensuring compliance with this Act.
## Section 6: Enforcement
– Establish a system for reporting and addressing violations of the rules.
– Provide for umpires or referees in official games to enforce the rules and resolve disputes.
## Section 7: Promotion and Education
– Encourage schools, community centers, and other public institutions to include Tiddlywinks in their recreational programs.
– Support educational materials and workshops to teach the game and its rules.
## Section 8: Amendments and Updates
– Allow for periodic reviews and updates of the rules and regulations to ensure the game remains vibrant and competitive.
## Section 9: Effective Date
– This Act shall come into effect six months after its passage to allow for the necessary preparations and adjustments.
By enacting this legislation, the UK can ensure a standardized and fair environment for playing Tiddlywinks, promoting the game’s growth and enjoyment among its citizens.
salamander
I believe you really mean it.
It is often a case of “where the fuck to start?” when thinking about Spud’s shite. However, I would to side-step that ‘completely wrong about every to do with this’ elephant in the room and loom at his use of the word “debased”. Anyone who isn’t an Socialist and doesn’t stick his memories where his excrement should go will remember what experiencing football was like 30-35 years ago. Personally I remember standing on stinking terraces and watching the piss trickle down past my shoes. Oh yes, I also remember as a 16-year-old going to watch a final and instead seeing the bodies of scores of Italians being covered by their own jackets. It’s not so much that I remember; I will never be able to forget!
So these days, as I help myself to sandwiches and wine in the lounge an hour before the game, I can’t help feeling that I can take that debasement.
Premier League Football in England is a classic case of the lunatics running the asylum.
It was occasioned by a coup led by Big Club against the FA, who being useless and instead of throwing the rebels out, acquiesced..
If Neoliberalusm =Greed then that is the case.
See also Champions League where only the teams with a strong overallsquad can win, rather thanbeing good at knockout tournaments.
If the whole structure collapses it will be their own fault and do nothing but good for the game.
I’m not into football, but I do notice that there are amateur matches played at the local parks every weekend during the season. Not a lot of neoliberal influence going on there, and also not a lot of spectators watching either despite it being free to watch. It seems that the neoliberal top tier games are what real people actually want to watch.
Fancy that, neoliberal forces giving people what they actually want enough to pay for.
Ottokring,
I just don’t get why anyone cares about it any longer. I think, in various ways, the Premier League, Bosman ruling and the end of terraces really fucked up football.
Almost no teams have won the Premier League. Man Utd, Arsenal, Chelsea, Blackburn, Leicester City and Liverpool in 30 years. With the majority of titles going to two clubs. It’s so boring in terms of outcomes.
Why would you chant about how great City are, when it’s basically doing so well because it got a shitload of cash from an Emirati? These clubs are meaningless. Other than the stadium being in Manchester, it has nothing to do with Manchester. Where’s the fun in that? You go and watch Kettering Town play, the blokes are from Kettering, or maybe Burton Latimer. They’re the best of your town, there’s a personal connection to the place. İlkay Gündoğan is not from Wythenshawe or Prestwich, he’s German. You’re just supporting a global brand. You might as well be cheering on Glencore or Rio Tinto in the FTSE.
@Ironman
The bit that shocked me was that squidge-off is an actual term used in the game. I thought the LLM made it up.
But yes, I really mean it. We could use LLM to sack a bunch of useless workers in the civil service.
Government has cast its eyes over vast sums of money swimming around in football (actually the premier league alone) and like the thieving bastards that they are want a piece of the action and jobs for the boys.
“Nice league you’ve got there. It would be a shame if something were to happen to it.”
I can sympathise with Interested’s point , but that is the older man in me. I cannot be arsed to stand on terraces anymore. It is nice to have a punt and a sossie in french bread and sit down.
As a lad, I would go to Plough Lane or Stamford Bridge or Fratton Park and it was a larf. The Shed at Chelsea was one huge comedy club, albeit a dump.
I sometimes go to the new Plough Lane and although it is packed every other week, it is a dead soulless place and this is Division Four remember.
My main gripe, really I suppose, is that modern football has largely killed off the casual spectator. It is now impossible to turn up at a game in the top two leagues without booking in advance. Also the value for money is not there.
I have just bought tickets to see Sigourney Weaver in The Tempest at £85 a pop. I really dont think I’d spend that cash to see Jack Grealish, despite the fact he looks like Keira Knightley.
@Western Bloke
“You’re just supporting a global brand. You might as well be cheering on Glencore or Rio Tinto in the FTSE.”
People do actually do this. They buy shares in companies and start to treat the companies like football teams. Look at what has happened with Tesla, GameStop and Bed Bath and Beyond.
Obviously. With a name like that, how could he be anything but?
“I have just bought tickets to see Sigourney Weaver in The Tempest at £85 a pop.”
We read The Tempest at school. Not impressed. But we read it just after we’d finished Lear. After Lear little could impress me. Coo!
It occurs to me that everyone should read Lear before they start opining about euthanasia, Inheritance Tax, pensions, the consequences of an ageing population, and so on. Unacknowledged legislators of the world, yer poets, dramatists and such.
(The quotation is from one of Sheets or Kelly. Whom we also read at school. Fewer fart jokes than Chaucer.)
Ottokring
Spot on on Old Vs. New Plough Lane – not the same at all….
Always good to see a fellow Don (I am presuming) on a thread…
As the FT notes this morning:
The UK has dropped a requirement for a new men’s football regulator to consider “foreign and trade policy” when approving club takeovers, ahead of the bill being introduced in parliament on Thursday.
The change “ensures” the regulator will be “fully independent” of government and industry, the Department for Culture Media and Sport said on Wednesday, following concerns from European football governing body Uefa and fan groups that it would lead to political “interference”.
My understanding is that no other domestic FA in Europe (so that’s 51 countries excluding the 4 FAs of England, Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland) has the setup being proposed. And indeed UEFA had indicated that it might jeopardise the place of English clubs in European Competitions? That’s the reason behind the change.
I mean, heavens above that the government should have an interest in the ‘national game’. That would never do, would it?
Is he looking to recreate the 1980s where in the Eastern bloc the state controlled football teams? Can anyone determine what he is hinting at here beyond getting out of the wrong side of bed?
Of course, it should provide the infrastructure that makes the game possible.
What aspect of the infrastructure should the state provide? Is he referring to transport and policing? Anyone?
And it licences the broadcasters that ensure funds flow to it.
Well I’d certainly welcome relaxation of licensing so we can get the old Norwegian Sky games that used to be a feature of Saturday afternoons in the 1990s and 2000s reinstated
Whilst providing the security that lets it happen.
I am guessing Transphobic Tweets spike during the hours of 3pm to 5pm on a Saturday?
It also has to regulate stadiums and all that is sold there to make sure that they are safe.
Without the benevolent state a load of football fans would be dying from collapsing stadia and poisoning. We should export his Straw Men for profit.
And, come to that it provides the legal structure that makes clubs themselves possible, and then it has to pick up the pieces if everything goes wrong.
What ‘pieces’ would it have to pick up? Numerous clubs across the UK have gone to the wall in the past few years. Many more might do. Is the state bailing them out?
But have the state interfere in all of this? That would never do. That might indicate state control, and how could football – which has been utterly debased by neoliberalism to the point where any pretence of there being an actual competition in the Premier League is now farcical – tolerate that? That would be deeply offensive to that neoliberal dogma, and that matters above all else.
Paradoxically this is the one paragraph which isn’t evidence he lives in a parallel universe. I am not sure the era prior to the Premier League was as competitive as he recalls but beyond it being something he doesn’t like – how is the Premier League as setup, ‘Neoliberal’? Unless the terms’s definition is, as I suspect ‘something that Richard J Murphy disagrees with’
A truly bizarre post even by the standards of someone who is the most moronic commentator extant on the internet globally today.
Indeed VP
I started going in the early 80s. I had lost interest in football a bit and a pal took me to a midweek Dons game. It was utterly hilarious and I was instantly hooked.
I had big hopes for the New Plough Lane but am rather disappointed . Now if they had kept the greyhound track that would have been great half time entertainment !
Salamander: I propose that the Laws of Cricket be incorporated into UK law, with umpires being replaced by policemen and intimidatory bowling becoming a criminal offence attracting a fine of up to £10,000 or five years imprisonment. Self-regulation isn’t working!
I don’t follow soccer (the Autumn International Rugby matches start on 2 November,! Yay!) but it strikes me that the regulation proposed will harm the UK game. It will be National regulation of an international industry.
ISTM the structure of the professional game is inherently unstable. Clubs tend to invest on the basis that they are going to succeed. If they don’t, then they won’t. But many times they don’t if they do. This leads to the financial failures and rescues.
But by trying to control for such things, the budgets will be restricted, fewer top players, less silverware, the best will find better opportunities overseas (besides being hit by the end of nom-dom status), so the game in the UK (which is a huge export worldwide) will decline.
Though the plans predate this appalling Labour Government, they fit right in with their frantic haste in hobbling so many parts of the UK economy, while all the time claiming it is their aim to “grow the economy” out of trouble.
Yeah, right…
@Sam: yeah, and praying that you catch a high ball you are lurking under – that would be illegal. No thoughtcrime here!
I just don’t get why anyone cares about it any longer.
I think to some extent its become one of there’s shared cultural experiences through networking effects and now a lot of people need to be part of that shared experience. If you go in to the pub and you can’t talk about football you miss out on a lot of conversations, I also see something similar at the golf club, when we meet for our roll-ups football is one of the topics that most people have an opinion about its also an ice breaker in a lot of situations. So if you don’t take an interest (I don’t) you’re a bit of an outsider.
I noticed something similar about certain TV programmes when I used to come home on leave in the ’70s and early ’80s. As I didn’t watch TV I found it hard to get on with old friends in the pub because a lot of conversation revolved around certain programmes and if you hadn’t seen them its difficult to be part of a group.
dearieme: DRS would, of course, be replaced by jury trial.
SD’s proposal has serious merit.
I think making it illegal for Test teams to score less than 150 all out would be a great encouragement.
Like Nautical Nick, I follow rugby, not football.
And if you think professional football is in trouble, take a gander at professional rugby.
It’s like the living dead.
Some of the rugby played in the Premiership is amazing, but the whole thing feels like it could go pop at any moment.
Some astonishingly bad decisions made by the powers that be, chiefly the CVC deal, but also the bollocks about head injuries, the constant wokeness and all the rest.
The real issue is that obviously the clubs provide the players for the England team, but to fund the clubs you need decent attendances and TV money and both are shocking when compared to France.
Internationally, Australia look to be in freefall, the ABs aren’t what they were, the home nations can’t really compete without foreign imports, the Japs and Canadians have gone backwards at a rate of knots, and the Boks are pulling ahead. Italy haven’t really come on very far, though there are signs. Georgia and Romania are not at the races and probably never will be.
One thing that wouldn’t solve it is government intervention (though it hasn’t hurt in Ireland).
Four English regional teams is probably the only answer, and that will never happen.
I just tell people that I’m so uninterested in football that I support Walsall.
You should see what they’ve done to Rugby League…
“ You should see what they’ve done to Rugby League…”
I started watching RL in the mid ‘60s when my grandfather started taking me to see Bradford Northern at Odsal Top,
I stopped following when I joined the army and don’t even recognise the current game as the one I was brought up on.