Is this real? It’s absurdly real. A team of researchers from Harvard University spent time in three Boston pubs, watching 160 groups of customers. The behaviour was so uniform that they could eventually predict it. If a group had more men than women, a man would race to the bar within seconds to get drinks for everyone. But if it had more women than men, it would take significantly longer to get a round in.
And when did the women get the first drinks in? Never. They never did.
Why do men do this? The same reason all male animals do – to show that they are the best possible partner for females. Deers rut, koalas shout, peacocks show off, men hop on the Wetherspoon’s app and get a tray of Jägerbombs in. It’s a tale as old as time.
Yes, obviously, etc.
But the one group who should read this, even do the work to stuggle to understand it – look, sorry, but certain social activities really are buried way down in that lizard brain – is the one group that will never bother. I mean the female columnists for The Guardian of course.
More women in a group invariably results in them fannying around under the pretext of being indecisive*. This takes up valuable time but guarantees male attention. Men are not the only peacocks.
* the same phenomenon applies in a restaurant. In a mixed group it’s always a woman who requires a bit longer to decide.
I think it’s simpler and deeper than vying for attention.
Mens and womens brains are wired different.
Men tend* to be more target focussed, women more process focussed.
It similar to shopping. Men view shopping as a target focussed activity. Need thing, go to shop, obtain thing, leave. Women view shopping as a process focussed activity. Need thing or possibly not, go to shop, look at thing, go to another shop, look at similar thing, go to third shop, look at similar think Mk2, go back to first shop, look at original thing, go to second shop,… ad infinitum.
For the pubs its similar.
Men – target, having a drink and a good time with friends. Go to pub, obtain drinks, commence merriment.
Women – process, going to the pub, establishing and enforcing social networks and dominance hierarchies. Is everyone sitting comfortably? Where did i put my purse and phone? Can I look at the cocktail menu?
should i have a cocktail? Is Cindy having the same as me because I don’t want to be seen having the same as that tramp. Oh, she;s having a tequila sunrise. I wanted a tequila sunrise but now I can’t and I’m sad.
Ooh, did you see this on facebook… ad infinitum. Drinks are an afterthought.
* – Sweeping generalisation. Mileage may vary.
“ Why do men do this? The same reason all male animals do – to show that they are the best possible partner for females”
Were there no male-only groups? (Does that need to be ‘straight male-only’ groups?)?
In other words, is it sexual display or just Chernyy’s shopping analogy?
We’ve all seen that picture of two pieces of electronic equipment, one covered in interacting knobs and buttons, the other with just an On switch pointing upwards. IT’s one of life’s great truths.
This psychologist in the Torygraph describe the differences amusingly:
https://www.telegraph.co.uk/health-fitness/wellbeing/sex/what-your-husband-is-really-thinking/
“I believe if your average married woman could spend an hour inside their husband’s mind she’d be shocked by how quiet a place it is.”
Damn right. We like it this way. We look at the tense, anxious, hyperactivity going on in the other crania, consider how exhausting that must be, and get back to our simple focus. Hence train sets.
“Were there no male-only groups? (Does that need to be ‘straight male-only’ groups?)? In other words, is it sexual display or just Chernyy’s shopping analogy?”
I wouldn’t want to get between the bar and my ale drinking mates when they enter the first pub of the evening, I’d be crushed in the rush, they are that desperate for a drink. And no women involved at all, unless the server happens to be female.
Supermarket. Two similar items on the shelf. The more alike they are the easier it is for HIM to pick one, any one, probably the colsest. The more they are alike the longer SHE takes to consider, distinguish the differences and buy the one that makes her fell she has made the best choice for her family and her pocket, assuming it’s OK with her friends.
Women (and I make the usual disclaimer about generalisation) don’t like to decide. To plump for one particular thing. To take the decision about what to eat, where to eat or what film to go and see. They’d rather let the man choose a film, meal, restaurant and pick something they don’t like than take the decision. The man, otoh, will just pick something he likes. He thinks he gave her a chance to pick, so she should be happy. She’s not. She thinks he should have known. Should have read the signals. He has no idea of this.
Rhoda, some of us learn. I learned years ago that it was better all round to do what the woman wants. A happy wife means a happy life. We simply have to be aware of when her indecision is a signal that she wants us to decide, and then take it on the chin when our decision is inevitably wrong.
“Does my bum look big in this?” There is no winning answer.
A shrink pal is constantly telling his female clients that men don’t have ESP, and if they want the the men to do something in particular it’s best to tell them because they’re most unlikely to guess correctly. What women think of as obvious signs are anything but. Could mean anything.
“Does my bum look big in this?” There is no winning answer.
Try “callipygian”.
They’ve come rather late to this party. I worked this out years ago. I’ve even run a business on this basis. We never sold drinks to men. They got their first drink free & all subsequent ones. Staff orders were if they saw a glass approaching empty replace it with a full one. Don’t wait to be asked. The more guys drink, the more free they are with their money so why ration alcohol by price? Of course they were usually accompanied by one of our attractive “hostesses” & would feel obliged to offer her a drink for which they paid 30 euros. So she gained 15 & the house15 & we were well ahead of the game. Otherwise the guy would probably only have one drink & be frugal with his money
My reasoning was this: In northern European cultures, the giver is dominant & the receiver submissive. So northern Europeans strive to be in the giving seat, especially in front of women. And it’s really hard wired into our culture. But don’t try it with southern Europeans like the Spanish. They’ll unashamedly take all the free drinks they can & be reluctant to spend anything.
Of course it had another benefit. If you had somebody in the establishment you wanted to get rid of, you cut off their alcohol supplies. If you’re not paying for drinks it’s very difficult to demand one. Left drinkless & ignored, they’d usually bugger off. Not saying the Spanish wouldn’t try. They’d help themselves, if you let them.
And some advice for people running businesses. Always try to work out what exactly it is you’re selling. It may not be what you think it is.
“Does my bum look big in this?”
As far as I been able to figure out, the actual question is;
“Will other women think my bum looks big in this?”
Interesting that MR sent out the link about shorter haircuts recently.
CD – shopping makes me miserable and angry, especially if it’s in Hëll on Earth (IKEA).
I’m surprised more men don’t make a desperate break for freedom like those priests who got trapped in Ireland’s largest lingerie department in the mid 90’s.
“Why do men do this? The same reason all male animals do – to show that they are the best possible partner for females. Deers rut, koalas shout, peacocks show off, men hop on the Wetherspoon’s app and get a tray of Jägerbombs in”
If it’s an all male group, they’ll want to offer a Jägerbum.
I wouldn’t want to get between the bar and my ale drinking mates when they enter the first pub of the evening, I’d be crushed in the rush, they are that desperate for a drink.
Tetley, the brewery, built a whole advertising campaign around this theme: The Tetley Bittermen.
Women in a pub!!!
Whatever next.
🙂
NB Boganboy: are they allowed in Aussie bars yet?
“A team of researchers from Harvard University spent time in three Boston pubs”
But always please to call it “research”.
What a nice subject to be paid to pursue. I wish I’d thought of that one in my salad days.
“A happy wife means a happy life. ”
I think you’ll find no wife equals a happy life.
@ Jim
“A happy wife means a happy life. ”
There are female equivalents to this…
“A happy husband. We’ll soon see about that”
or
“A happy husband. What’s he been up to?”
“Does my bum look big in this?”
Curious how cultures differ. If one of my latina amigas asked the same question & got a negative reply, she’d be angrily demanding “Why not!”
How much has the results of the research been influenced by being conducted in Boston bars with Boston’s famed Irish community. The Irish look to gain status by being “in chair” when buying rounds. How much is that due to the Viking influence on Irish culture? Vikings regarded being the provider rather than the receiver as status enhancing. What would happen if you conducted the same research in Miami or Albuquerque? Latins tend regard their minions buying their drinks for them as mark of status. So the pinnacle would be sitting at a table whilst drinks are proffered to him & his entourage & not once putting his hand in his pocket. Racing for the bar would be highly demeaning. And very much perceived as such by the womenfolk.
“Does my bum look big in this?”
“No dear, it looks big in everything.”
Thank you Chernyy. Possibly best to avoid places where men and women coexist then. I get that the terrace at the footy isn’t quite 100% male, but the handful of women will be there for the footy too. Them places ok.
The least productive places on earth are where men and women are in the ratio range 35:65 to 65:35, GPs, NHS, university departments, the public sector generally, charities, church attendances.
The most productive – retail, primary school, farming, engineering, Pelicot’s house.
The last ain’t right of course.
Diversity not a strength.
“Does my bum look big in this?”
“No dear, it looks big in everything.”
Except the dark.
BiND
That’s back in the day when Tetleys brewed something worth drinking. I made the mistake of drinking the swill they call bitter at the weekend.
@Chernyy, bang on. Men are about the outcome, women are about the feels.
Best bit of advice I have ever been given on women was by a Serbian war criminal: ‘If a woman tells you she’s thirsty she doesn’t want you to get her a glass of water, she wants you to be thirsty with her’.