One of my pet theories is that – for wimmins, of course – there’s a certain basic amount of whingeing that is going to happen. If the cave bears don’t get us then it’ll be the colour of the cave walls, if we’ve got houses and cars and shops and choices then it’ll be the crunchiness of the spring onions. Denounced, as vehemently, considered exactly as important, as those damn cave bears.
I have not yet checked this theory with my wife. But today’s example:
You be the judge: should my husband stop slapping food on my plate so artlessly?
There’re 700 million in this world still wondering whether there’s going to be any food today. QED.
if we’ve got houses and cars and shops and choices then it’ll be the crunchiness of the spring onions
Ha ha, we’re just coming to the end of a long, 2500 miles, trip around France. We eat lots of salads and the one thing we haven’t been able to find is spring onions. However, the do à small white onion that looks like a big bulbous spring onion.
My wife said yesterday she prefers them because they have more crunch.
“Sybies”: that’s the real name for Spring Onions.
“One of my pet theories is that – for wimmins, of course – there’s a certain basic amount of whingeing that is going to happen.”
Yup, and for we Pavlovian problem-solvers the biggest problem is to kick ourselves out of problem-solving mode and simply listen sympathetically (or feign it). It’s all they actually want: to get it off their chests.
I know that sounds hideously patronising but it’s true. My wife and daughter are among the most capable women on the planet but they still bark at me for problem-solving when they simply want to whinge.
I wonder if this is the basis of the Great Feminist Problem? They need us to solve problems, which we’re good at, but also to listen like wimmin, which we’re not. So they a) pussy-whip us to listen but no matter how hard we try we’re not as good as wimmin, and b) try to be blokes and solve problems like parallel parking themselves, which few of them can, so they fail. They then hate themselves for it, take it out on us, and shout at us for not listening like wimmin.
Well, it’s a theory.
Meanwhile: “Shall I park the car whilst you get the tea on, dear?”
These are interesting theories. I’d field-test them for you but I don’t own any kevlar.
A partner always complimented me on my carrot slices. I did (still do) them in batons rather than roundels. Its not an affectation it was just how my mum did it. And why did my mum do it like that? Because as a wedding present my Dad bought her cooking lessons! * A residential cordon bleu cookery course in france, and that’s how they taught her to slice carrots.
* pre-emptive – the best kind of problem solving.
I wonder if she’d try such a strategy with a member of ISIS, Hamas or Al Qaeda? If not, she may want to think about which groups have control of most of our establishment and the current government, now almost universally acknowledged as one of the worst in global history.
But I think Norman has got it pretty much nailed down
Norman,
“I wonder if this is the basis of the Great Feminist Problem? They need us to solve problems, which we’re good at, but also to listen like wimmin, which we’re not. So they a) pussy-whip us to listen but no matter how hard we try we’re not as good as wimmin, and b) try to be blokes and solve problems like parallel parking themselves, which few of them can, so they fail. They then hate themselves for it, take it out on us, and shout at us for not listening like wimmin.”
The real problem with feminism is that most women aren’t actually serious about it. Deep down, they’re the same women they always were. They say “I really want a career” but actually, they don’t.
Any TV show or movie about women at work is actually about the same dreams as a Disney Princess (nice successful husband, nice clothes, fancy place to live and gossiping with the girls). TV shows and movies about men at work (like Halt and Catch Fire, The Big Short) are overwhelmingly about the work they do. Women aren’t interested in a magazine editor or fashion designer raising finance or getting distributors. It’s all about clothes, nice looking offices and bitchiness.
Which sex cares more about their wardrobe and charity bake sales. It’s not men. Men don’t view it as a social hangout. It’s a place to do shit.
So we have this conflict between stated and actual preference. Women say they want this, that they love their job, but it’s all about saying what they think they should say. They’d be much happier saying “I want to bake cakes, sew and have babies”. And with that, so would men. Because what we’d get then is good old Adam Smith style specialisation. Women stick in their lane of being pretty, cooking, nurturing, doing charity things. And men stick in their lane of making money and putting up shelves. Both get really good at the thing they do. She isn’t complaining about his cooking, because that’s her job. Maybe if he does it, she has lower expectations for it.
None of this is to say that there aren’t women who actually do love their jobs and want to be CEO of M&S, but they’re the exception in the group.
It sounds like she’s channeling Alan Partridge:
https://youtu.be/eypZnajNdmQ?t=58