My husband left me for a man. It was a uniquely painful betrayal
After more than 40 years together, finding out that the father of my children was gay and had been having a secret affair blindsided me
Not a Fnarr, Fnarr there in the headline.
But, sorta, which is worse? Hubby doesn’t like women therefore it’s not which woman I am that’s the problem? Or hubby doesn’t like women which is a worse betrayal?
Obviously, her call on that. But, logically, it is possible for it to run either way, no?
Pffft
I used to run into chaps all the time, who decided after 20plus years of marriage that they preferred sausage after all.
There were so many of them I began to fear that it was compulsory.
And of course couple it with the realisation “So thats why he liked watching WWF all the time…”
There’s no mystery and these men weren’t secretly gay for decades. They are simply bisexuals who decided to explore that side of their preferences once the children had grown up and they’d tired of their wives. Late onset lesbianism is similarly common. And, of course, sexual preferences may change over time.
These occurrences only surprise people because of the false doctrine that sexual preferences are fixed, when it is obvious they aren’t. Of course that false doctrine isn’t anywhere near as stupid as the one claiming that biological sex is mutable.
As Otto pointed out, there’s a *lot* of gay/bisexual men turning to the Sausage after years of married life.
And honestly, you can’t really blame them…
You’d have had to be on the far end of the bell curve of Gaydom to have withstood the social pressure of “getting a wife and kids” and all the other Expectations put on blokes up until the 90’s -ish…
And then there was the social stigma of Being Divorced… in male and female variants…
So yeah… It’s not surprising to see a lot of divorcees “turned” gay, especially in the peno/menopause age range.
For the then social mores they’ve done their duty: married, provided grandchildren, and raised them into (nominally) adults.
Once that’s done…… It’s not as if the Lifestyle has been a deep secret, not if you’re also into Sausage..
A *lot* of couples divorce once the “Kids are Done” nowadays, for many other reasons as well.. They’re just not as “newsworthy” as “He turned out to be Gaaaayyyy, boo-hoo…”
I’m the product of one of such marriages.
My father buggered off when I was 15, which… in many ways was far better than the alternative.
Between his frustration of being in a mold that didn’t fit, the familial and social pressure of Being a Traditional Father, and 3 sons in the various stages of Puberty….
Mustn’t have been an easy ride for him, and shall we say….we were not a Happy Family…
This happened in the early ’80’s and ….well… it had effects…
My mum actually got the worst of it, because Divorces Weren’t Done, and it must have been *her* fault my father left us, and even *shudder* Turned Gay ( when he publicly came out..) ….
( yeah…. not joking… we got a quick, harsh lesson about the smallmindedness of people at a young age..)
Being a known “Son of a Gay” ( my father swung around to the…more expressive side of the Scene..) made for Interesting Times as well..
Might have been forced to knock some skulls and adjust some teeth here and there because of it.
On the other end.. It’s funny how many people assume *you* must be gay as well when they find out. And react accordingly.
Even when your reaction to the more curvaceous other half is quite obvious and Appreciative. Especially in that horrible age where you still haven’t got that Little Brain under firm control..
Even nowadays… People *assume* I ..dislike.. my father because he turned out to be Gay, and sort of messed up my Youth.
It never occurs to those people he may have been “a bit” of an asshat in other areas as well, and that we wouldn’t have been on speaking terms anyway because of that.
It’s not that the smallmindedness has disappeared.. It’s just shifted focus.
“It’s funny how many people assume *you* must be gay as well when they find out. And react accordingly.”
Yes, I never understood that one. It’s not an obviously hereditary trait.
Might be of course, a lot of things do turn out to be, but things usually have to be a lot more obvious to become prejudices.
any femy academes out there want to say it amounts to 40 yrs of unconsented to intercourse and should be a crime…good luck getting it enacted on Keir’s watch.
It was certainly a uniquely painful betrayal for the husband.
It’s the nagging voice at the back of her head that is telling her that her husband used to like women and she changed that;)
The children wanted to know what was going on. Eventually their father emerged from his study and, at my insistence, told them, but in the most glib way imaginable.
“Hey!” he announced. “I’m your gay dad!”
And people say the art of conversation is dead.
Oh Lord
What is Gay Dad Dancing like ?
“Hell hath no fury . . . .”
I’d ignore anything this fine woman says for a year.
Wait:
This is not suitable for publication. Alison should STFU.
Maybe he left because you are a diva and work for Telegraph. “I’m gay” sounds like an easy out. In fact, we don’t have his side. I bet he has a better story to tell. Wouldn’t be hard.
Well, it must have been occasionally; they did have children.