Celebrities

Umm, Willy?

It was a Monday evening in early 2004 when a group of Europhiles and Europhobes gathered for a Buckingham Palace dinner at the Duke of Edinburgh’s invitation. We were there to discuss the proposed treaty for a European constitution, just written and whose ratification across Europe was about to begin. I had been one of 12 European “thinkers” who had made joint recommendations on what European values should be in its preamble, hence my presence. What followed was one of the most surreal evenings of my life, brought to mind by the three German princes the Duke of Edinburgh insisted should attend yesterday’s funeral.

I’m Willy the Hutton I am, I am. See how the mighty seek my views.

Three of the Europhobe contingent then joined him, banging the table and shouting “No to Europe” with such force that the red-jacketed butlers stood back from serving – even the duke looked nonplussed.

Do even the Royals have multiple butlers? Serving at table, in red?

Waiters possibly, footmen even, but butlers?

Or does Willy not know the difference despite his being so sought in the corridors of power? Or perhaps it’s me?

Doesn’t work this way

The Queen married a man with more royal blood than her own – a circumstance unlikely to be repeated in royal history

OK, arguable – her Poppa was actually King after all – but take it as true.

The Queen and Prince Philip were both born of royal blood – but none of their children or grandchildren married royals

That’s why it’s more likely in the future. Or, at least, more possible.

The more the British royal family marry commoners then the more likely it is that if one of them does marry into the prince/princess circuit then that incomer will have more royal blood…….

Err, yes?

It was claimed that Meghan, 39, had expressed frustration that despite the litany of damaging revelations made before a television audience of millions, no member of the Royal Family had yet contacted her to discuss them.

Why would they? You’ve left, they don’t care, and?

A phone call from a hospital bed

“Ah, yes, hello there. You rent cars do you?”

“Yes sir, we’re a car rental company”

“Jolly Good. Well suited to your occupation then.”

“How may I help you today sir?”

“Do you rent out Fiats? Fiat Unos?”

“I sorry I can’t help you with that car hiring desire today sir”

“Pity, I particularly wanted a white one. But you have other cars do you? I don’t suppose it matters that much”

“We rent out Chryslers sir, these days that’s nearly the same thing as a Fiat”

“Well, I’ll take one of those. And a map, I need a map. My man will need to be able to find the tunnels near Santa Barbara.”

“May I take a credit card to reserve the booking?”

“No, the laddie will use his own when he gets there.”

“I do need a name for the booking sir.”

“A name, ah, well, Phill……yes, Glucksburg.”

“Thank you Mr. Glucksburg, you have a nice day now”

“It’s getting better all the time.”

Hmmm

The Great Celebrity Bake Off lineup hailed as ‘best ever’
Series will raise money for Stand Up To Cancer and features Daisy Ridley, Rob Beckett, Alexandra Burke and Tom Allen

I think I’ve heard of two of them. A minor thespian and the bird who massacred the Leonard Cohen song. Other than that…..

Well I never

A spokesman for the Sussexes told The Telegraph: “The Duchess is saddened by this latest attack on her character, particularly as someone who has been the target of bullying herself and is deeply committed to supporting those who have experienced pain and trauma.

“She is determined to continue her work building compassion around the world and will keep striving to set an example for doing what is right and doing what is good.”

Jason Knauf, the couple’s communications secretary at the time, submitted a formal complaint about the claims in October 2018 in an apparent bid to protect his staff. In his email, he said: “I am very concerned that the Duchess was able to bully two PAs out of the household in the past year. The treatment of X was totally unacceptable. The Duchess seems intent on always having someone in her sights. She is bullying Y and seeking to undermine her confidence. We have had report after report from people who have witnessed unacceptable behaviour towards Y.”

Who could have thought that an ageing actress could be bitchy?

Woody and Mia

It’s just so difficult to wade through the competing claims. For example, just think what must be true if Woody is the be believed.

A woman finds that her boyfriend actually prefers – and goes off with – her adopted daughter. At which point she coaches and cajoles another of her daughters into making claims of sexual assault.

No, couldn’t happen, non on is that vindictive.

This is easy

The lawyer said damages for the breach of privacy could be as high as £300,000 but that the award for the infringement of copyright could far exceed that because the Duchess is entitled to seek “an account of profits” – that is any profit made by Associated Newspapers as a result of articles using her letter to her father.

A hearing would have to assess what profits were made by the publisher’s as a result but could potentially be huge.

In the year ending September 2019, covering the period when the letter was published in February, Associated Newspapers made a pre-tax profit of £59 million and after tax of £47 million. A court would have to decide the extent of the profits the newspaper and website made from publishing its articles on the letter.

OK.

One media law expert, who declined to be named, said the costs of the case were likely to be in the region of £5m.

A fairly large loss then……

A misunderstanding, yes

The Duchess of Sussex said on Sunday the changing of her name on her child’s birth certificate was “dictated” by Buckingham Palace as she launched another tirade against tabloid newspapers.

OK:

Buckingham Palace has denied the Duchess of Sussex’s claim that her son’s birth certificate was altered to follow royal protocol, describing her use of the word “dictated” as “unfortunate.”

A royal source said that no such convention existed, diplomatically suggesting that there had been a misunderstanding by her new US-based staff, with the detail “lost in translation”.

As I watch that caravan passing by in the news I do keep thinking to myself that her new US-based staff just don’t understand this country. Given that she’s marketing herself to the Americans this is fair enough perhaps but I do think it’s the cause of near all the shouting going on.

This could be a mistake

The Duke and Duchess of Sussex have quit social media and will refuse to use platforms such as Twitter or Facebook to promote their activities, it has emerged.

The move is thought to have been prompted by the couple’s disgust at the hatred and abuse directed at them on social media, particularly against Meghan.

Not that I actually know about these things but it is fun to surmise.

Prince Harry and his wife have significant reach on a number of platforms, having more than 10 million followers on Instagram alone.

But they are understood to have said they will not be using any of them to build and promote their work in the United States, such as the new Archewell Foundation.

Those 10 million, plus Twitter etc, are the very thing that they’re selling.

Surely to God they don’t actually believe in their dreck do they? They do know it’s all a marketing exercise?

Well, yes….

Stella Tennant took her own life after struggling with mental health problems, her family have revealed.

The bits that made me think this might be so from the original reports were 50 ish, kiddies teens or grown up, going through a divorce…..being rather hard hit by all sorts of change in life in fact.

Ms. Birkin

INTERVIEW
Jane Birkin on the truth about Serge Gainsbourg and the pain of her daughter’s death
The actress and singer talks about her former lover, her new album — and why she’s breaking her silence about her daughter Kate

It couldn’t be that the new openness is something to do with the new album that needs promoting, could it?

Fun rumour

That New York Times piece talking about miscarriage. A rumour is floating around that it was an advertorial – the money flow was not from the paper to the writer.

Merely a rumour, of course.

Impeccably true stories

Today’s entry into the list of stories that simply are, without doubt, entirely true:

Mr Clinton, 74, has always insisted he has never set foot on the private island. A representative for the former president provided The Telegraph with a detailed account of Mr Clinton’s travel in January 2003, adding unequivocally: “President Clinton has never been to Little St. James island”.

A spokesperson for Mr Clinton has previously said his friendship with Epstein came to an end before the financier was convicted of soliciting a minor for sex in 2008.

Epstein hanged himself in 2019 while awaiting trial on further sex trafficking charges. Mr Clinton’s spokesperson insisted the former president knew nothing of Epstein’s “terrible crimes”.