Well, that refutes him then

Matt Lauer has accused Ronan Farrow of shoddy and biased journalism in his book Catch and Kill, which included a rape accusation against the former Today show host that Lauer claims is false.

Farrow, a Pulitzer Prize-winning staff writer at the New Yorker, said Lauer “is just wrong”.

What else do we need to know?

I’m sure you were told this laddie

The Duke of Sussex has told friends he “cannot believe” what has happened in recent months and that he misses the Army, The Telegraph has learned.

Prince Harry has confided in pals that he “misses the camaraderie” of life in the Armed Forces, where he was affectionately known as ‘Captain Wales’, having been stripped of his military appointments following the Sussexes’ split from the Royal Family on March 31.

Choices, such a bugger, eh?

But you do get to pay for a house in Malibu so that’s a consolation, eh?

This will work well

The Duke and Duchess of Sussex have told the editors of British tabloid newspapers that they will never again deal with their outlets, in an unprecedented direct attack on a large part of the media that leaves little chance of repairing the relationship.

A large part of the value of celebrity is that you get press coverage you couldn’t buy. Killing off a significant part of your value ain’t the way to do it, Son.

Who could she, possibly, be talking about?

Princess Anne has warned that the younger generation of the Royal Family should not always try to “reinvent the wheel”, saying they must not forget the basics of service in their drive for doing it a “new way”.

The Princess Royal, who undertook more than 500 engagements last year, suggested the younger generation were continually seeking new ways to work, rather than looking back to what had been done successfully already.

As there are no young royals not already doing this I can’t for the life of me think who this might be about.

Erm, ‘Arry?

The Duke and Duchess of Sussex have revealed plans to launch a charitable organization called Archewell.

Oh, right.

The organization’s name is not based on their son, Archie Mountbatten-Windsor, but rather the Greek word “Arche,” meaning “source of action,” they said.

Umm, well:

Arche (/ˈɑːrki/; Ancient Greek: ἀρχή) is a Greek word with primary senses “beginning”, “origin” or “source of action” (εξ’ ἀρχής: from the beginning, οr εξ’ ἀρχής λόγος: the original argument), and later “first principle” or “element”. By extension, it may mean “first place, power”, “method of government”, “empire, realm”

Maybe the last of those extensions might be a closer meaning.

“We connected to this concept for the charitable organisation we hoped to build one day, and it became the inspiration for our son’s name.

How long have you been planning this love?

What do you mean “even”?

The Duke and Duchess of Sussex are working on plans to run emotional support groups, a multi-media educational empire, and even launch a wellbeing website under a new non-profit organisation named Archewell.

Selling crystals a la Goop or QVC is about Meghan’s metier, not an “even”.

This is how it’s gonna be Honey

Meghan Markle plans to return to acting but will only work with A-list directors in the hopes of securing a breakout role, an industry source told DailyMail.com
The former Suits actress is worried critics are going to be hard on her so she needs to nab a breakout role with the right director attached to the project
The Duchess of Sussex has ‘been telling her agents that she wants Ava DuVernay involved, and that they need to find the right script,’ the insider added
Although Meghan has received lots of offers, ‘she thinks the majority of them are cheesy and beneath her’

Cheesy is what the work’s gonna be.

Although there’s a possible script out there, a combination of Frozen and whichever one of the Jane Austens the line occurs in. Imagine the prole meeting the Prince, getting hitched ‘n’all. With the final line breaking the fourth wall and straight to camera “And then, viewer, I married him”.

Pretty cool, eh? Definitely worth some repeat fees when it goes into syndication on the Hallmark channel.

Not, perhaps, the best of precedents

Harry and Meghan eye Malibu properties close to where Princess Diana planned to live with Dodi Fayed

And it will be Meghan driving that choice. Having actually been there – a number of times – it ain’t that much cop. Unless you want the cachet of living there, a cachet that exists in that acting and showbiz set and not really anywhere else.

And if I were being really unkind I’d mutter something about marrying well being madame’s only chance of gaining a residence in Malibu. An ambition likely to exist given her membership of that set that thinks there’s the cachet.

We’re all really, really, surprised, right?

Overnight last Friday, following an agreement between Justin Trudeau, the Canadian prime minister, and President Trump, the world’s longest border closed. The Sussexes are said to have fled to Meghan’s home city at the eleventh hour.

“They realised Canada would not work out for various reasons and they want to be based in the Los Angeles area,” the source told The Sun.

Reports suggest that they will search for a house in Hollywood,

Dunno quite how it will work out for the career but being an actual, real, live, Duchess is a pretty good solution to the problems of being a middling and soon to be middle aged actress.

No no, no Love, you’ve got this the wrong way around

The Duchess of Sussex is to narrate a Disney film which documents the journey of a family of elephants across the Kalahari desert in southern Africa, which will launch three days after she and Prince Harry “step back” from being senior royals.

Meghan will voice the Disneynature documentary Elephant, which will be available on Disney+ from 3 April, and is her first major acting role since becoming a royal.

Voiceovers for a Disney documentary (they only ever pay scale, no premium for fame at all) are the sort of wage slavery you yearn to escape from by becoming a Princess……

Could always look at a picture I guess

Woody Allen has conceded that his son with Mia Farrow, Ronan, could in fact belong to Frank Sinatra – pouring more fuel on a long-smoking fire within the complicated family.

In his new book Apropos of Nothing, which itself was nearly not published when the original publisher pulled out after furious protests, Allen discusses the long-standing question.

“One day Mia announced she was pregnant. I naturally assumed it was by me and the wolfsbane had finally kicked in; and despite her suggesting [Ronan] was Frank Sinatra’s child, I think he’s mine, though I’ll never really know,” Allen writes.

“She may have still been sleeping with Frank, as she hinted

This is amusing

As I’ve been saying, they don’t seem to have understood quite how much it will cost to enjoy the Royal lifestyle. And that they’re unlikely to manage to earn that much:

The Royal Canadian Mounted Police (RCMP) has confirmed it will no longer foot the Duke and Duchess of Sussex’s security bill when they cease to be working royals from next month.

The force said it had an “obligation” to protect the pair because they are recognised as Internationally Protected Persons, but confirmed the protection would end “in the coming weeks” due to their “change in status”.

The short short Mike

The book also includes Mr Bloomberg’s take on the UK. “The Royal Family — what a bunch of misfits — a gay, an architect, that horsey faced lesbian and a kid who gave up Koo Stark for some fat broad.”

Opinions on the truth of that are divided….

Meghan’s Lament

The Duke and Duchess of Sussex face being banned from using their self-anointed ‘Sussex Royal’ label after stepping down as senior royals, it emerged last night.

It is no longer appropriate for the couple, who have relocated to North America with their son Archie, to continue using the term ‘royal’ in their branding, the Queen and senior officials are expected to conclude.

Those carefully laid plans seem to be unravelling.

As I’ve said before I’m not sure that they understood quite how much actual cash is needed to live as they did before. It’s not just the £60,000 a year for Frogmore Cottage. They laid off 15 staff – how much do 15 staff cost a year then if they want to replicate that outside? And so on.

I think their earning capacity won’t replace the physical lifestyle they gave up. Sure, they might not care, independence and all that having a value. Although that’s not quite what I think is motivating La Dame.

I have significant suspicion that the end game is going to be talks about how ‘coz I is black I’m no longer royal and while there’s definitely a market for that it’s not hugely high paying I would have thought.

Isn’t this fun?

The Duke and Duchess of Sussex have issued a legal warning over paparazzi photographs of Meghan and Archie in Canada, complaining that they are being “stalked” following their split from the Royal family, causing them “considerable distress”.

Within hours of Prince Harry joining his wife and son on Vancouver Island for a more “peaceful” life, the couple’s lawyers Schillings sent out a strongly worded letter claiming that the images had been taken by paparazzi who had been “hiding in the bushes and spying”.

Those who would live by celebrity are complaining about it.

Who knew Brenda could be so arch?

English English is it’s own little language. It’s something of a surprise still to find those writing the English newspapers not quite getting it:

In a rebuff to critics of her granddaughter-in-law, the Queen added that she was “particularly proud of how Meghan has so quickly become one of the family”.

I take that as Brenda being very arch indeed. That is, this is not a compliment.