Celebrities

Not, perhaps, the best of precedents

Harry and Meghan eye Malibu properties close to where Princess Diana planned to live with Dodi Fayed

And it will be Meghan driving that choice. Having actually been there – a number of times – it ain’t that much cop. Unless you want the cachet of living there, a cachet that exists in that acting and showbiz set and not really anywhere else.

And if I were being really unkind I’d mutter something about marrying well being madame’s only chance of gaining a residence in Malibu. An ambition likely to exist given her membership of that set that thinks there’s the cachet.

We’re all really, really, surprised, right?

Overnight last Friday, following an agreement between Justin Trudeau, the Canadian prime minister, and President Trump, the world’s longest border closed. The Sussexes are said to have fled to Meghan’s home city at the eleventh hour.

“They realised Canada would not work out for various reasons and they want to be based in the Los Angeles area,” the source told The Sun.

Reports suggest that they will search for a house in Hollywood,

Dunno quite how it will work out for the career but being an actual, real, live, Duchess is a pretty good solution to the problems of being a middling and soon to be middle aged actress.

No no, no Love, you’ve got this the wrong way around

The Duchess of Sussex is to narrate a Disney film which documents the journey of a family of elephants across the Kalahari desert in southern Africa, which will launch three days after she and Prince Harry “step back” from being senior royals.

Meghan will voice the Disneynature documentary Elephant, which will be available on Disney+ from 3 April, and is her first major acting role since becoming a royal.

Voiceovers for a Disney documentary (they only ever pay scale, no premium for fame at all) are the sort of wage slavery you yearn to escape from by becoming a Princess……

Could always look at a picture I guess

Woody Allen has conceded that his son with Mia Farrow, Ronan, could in fact belong to Frank Sinatra – pouring more fuel on a long-smoking fire within the complicated family.

In his new book Apropos of Nothing, which itself was nearly not published when the original publisher pulled out after furious protests, Allen discusses the long-standing question.

“One day Mia announced she was pregnant. I naturally assumed it was by me and the wolfsbane had finally kicked in; and despite her suggesting [Ronan] was Frank Sinatra’s child, I think he’s mine, though I’ll never really know,” Allen writes.

“She may have still been sleeping with Frank, as she hinted

This is amusing

As I’ve been saying, they don’t seem to have understood quite how much it will cost to enjoy the Royal lifestyle. And that they’re unlikely to manage to earn that much:

The Royal Canadian Mounted Police (RCMP) has confirmed it will no longer foot the Duke and Duchess of Sussex’s security bill when they cease to be working royals from next month.

The force said it had an “obligation” to protect the pair because they are recognised as Internationally Protected Persons, but confirmed the protection would end “in the coming weeks” due to their “change in status”.

The short short Mike

The book also includes Mr Bloomberg’s take on the UK. “The Royal Family — what a bunch of misfits — a gay, an architect, that horsey faced lesbian and a kid who gave up Koo Stark for some fat broad.”

Opinions on the truth of that are divided….

Meghan’s Lament

The Duke and Duchess of Sussex face being banned from using their self-anointed ‘Sussex Royal’ label after stepping down as senior royals, it emerged last night.

It is no longer appropriate for the couple, who have relocated to North America with their son Archie, to continue using the term ‘royal’ in their branding, the Queen and senior officials are expected to conclude.

Those carefully laid plans seem to be unravelling.

As I’ve said before I’m not sure that they understood quite how much actual cash is needed to live as they did before. It’s not just the £60,000 a year for Frogmore Cottage. They laid off 15 staff – how much do 15 staff cost a year then if they want to replicate that outside? And so on.

I think their earning capacity won’t replace the physical lifestyle they gave up. Sure, they might not care, independence and all that having a value. Although that’s not quite what I think is motivating La Dame.

I have significant suspicion that the end game is going to be talks about how ‘coz I is black I’m no longer royal and while there’s definitely a market for that it’s not hugely high paying I would have thought.

Isn’t this fun?

The Duke and Duchess of Sussex have issued a legal warning over paparazzi photographs of Meghan and Archie in Canada, complaining that they are being “stalked” following their split from the Royal family, causing them “considerable distress”.

Within hours of Prince Harry joining his wife and son on Vancouver Island for a more “peaceful” life, the couple’s lawyers Schillings sent out a strongly worded letter claiming that the images had been taken by paparazzi who had been “hiding in the bushes and spying”.

Those who would live by celebrity are complaining about it.

Who knew Brenda could be so arch?

English English is it’s own little language. It’s something of a surprise still to find those writing the English newspapers not quite getting it:

In a rebuff to critics of her granddaughter-in-law, the Queen added that she was “particularly proud of how Meghan has so quickly become one of the family”.

I take that as Brenda being very arch indeed. That is, this is not a compliment.

An interesting question

Or at least one that’s interesting to me.

Now, obviously enough, a proper valuation of that lifestyle they’ve currently got is difficult but this is the correct question that should have been asked before they set off down this path. What’s the amount of cash they’ve got to pile up before their lifestyle beats what they’ve already got? Then, what’s the chance that they’re going to reach that figure?

Frankly, from this accounting point of view it’s difficult to work out why they’re bothering.

Why are they bothering? They’re taking on substantial risk and yet it’s difficult to see them getting any further than they already are.

It is fun, isn’t it

While many people sympathised with them, particularly the young and those more in tune with Meghan’s values relating to her racial identity and feminist views, others disapproved.

A nice example of cakeism.

A woman who becomes a duchess purely on the basis of who she beds and makes her womb available to decides to insist she’s a feminist. That raising (descent if you prefer) from middling actress to global superstar is purely and totally patriarchal. And yet she’s the strong independent one?

The thing is though, I want it to be true

BBC staff are said to be in “uproar” after the corporation’s canteen instigated a “six chip” rule for cooked meals.

Servers in the kitchens at Broadcasting House caused widespread bafflement after they were seen individually counting out chips as part of a new quota for employees.

Rebellion quickly started brewing among the BBC’s staff over the policy, some of whom took to social media to express their dismay.

Sharing a picture of his pitiful serving on Twitter, Arif Ansari, head of news at the BBC Asian Network, wrote: “New rules in the BBC canteen limit the number of chips to six.

The bosses deny it all. But I want it to be true. For I’d like to make sure that whatever nonsense it is that people think they’d like to impose upon us – booze limits, potato consumption, reductions in meat eating, no sugar in soda pop, all of them – get imposed good and hard on the BBC first.

Y’all are going to have to explain the racism here

The silence surrounding the Duchess of Sussex’s treatment by the press has become a roar. More than 70 female MPs signed a letter this week in “solidarity” with Meghan after she spoke about her treatment by sections of the media. The letter outlined attempts “to cast aspersions” on her character. It also attempted to address the nature of these attacks: “We are calling out what can only be described as outdated, colonial undertones to some of these stories,” it read.

However, this treatment can be described as only one thing: racist. Not saying so explicitly is part of a growing trend – the word “racist” is now dodged with more fervour than racial slurs themselves.

Those who marry into the royal family have long been subjected to all sorts of abuse. As both Wallis Simpson and Queen Caroline could tell us if they were still around.

Not being nasty to Meghan would be racist, no?

Meghan seems particularly dim

Spectacularly dim even:

The Duchess of Sussex has revealed she was warned before her marriage to Prince Harry that the British tabloids would “destroy” her life, as she spoke of struggling to cope with the reality of being part of the royal family.

In an interview for the ITV documentary Harry & Meghan: An African Journey, she said the last year had been “hard” and that she had had “no idea” of what she would face.

You’ve just told us you were warned…..