In praise of domestic violence

The perils of life as a sporting Wag loom large this week. Tiger Woods appears to be in the doghouse after claims – malicious, I\’m sure – of an extra-marital dalliance with a pillow-lipped birdie. But if it had been true, and wife Elin took revenge on him and his 4×4 with a handy five iron, then give the girl a medal. Too many wives endure humiliation for the sake of the perks that come with marriage to someone rich and famous.

Liz Hunt.

O Tempora

Police spend £800,000 a year on music rights
Police forces are paying hundreds of thousands of pounds a year to allow officers to listen to music at their desks, in canteens and even in cell blocks.

Well, yes, I suppose it is news that police forces obey the law these days……


An IT expert who produced fake train tickets worth more than £12,000 has been spared jail.

Jonathan Moore, 27, used his laptop to create near-perfect copies of season tickets that allowed him to travel free for two years.

His fraud was discovered only when a ticket inspector on a train to Brighton noticed a variation in the colour of the ticket. A further 11 forged tickets dating back to 2006 were discovered in the plastic wallet in which Moore kept his ticket.

He got charged the full cost of all of the old tickets.

Silly boy: the first rule of any scam is that if you\’ve got away with it then destroy the evidence that you have. Then if you do get caught it\’s a \”first time tryout Guv\’, yes, I know I\’ve been silly, sorry.\”

But that\’s why you read this blog, right? To find out how to fiddle the system?

On those rape conviction statistics

Interesting point being made:

Since 1999 the Home Office has known that its methods for calculating rape convictions are wrong. The real conviction rate is not the publicly broadcast 10 per cent but closer to 50 per cent (it varies slightly from year to year). In a Minority Report (1) which I wrote for a Home Office committee in 2000 but which advisers refused to forward to ministers who were then actively considering new rape legislation, the HO were told that they were confusing ‘attrition’ rates with ‘conviction’ rates.

The attrition rate refers to the number of convictions secured compared with the number of that particular crime reported to the police (it must be noted that a crime that is ‘reported’ does not automatically imply that the crime actually took place). The conviction rate refers to the number of convictions secured against the number of persons brought to trial for that given offence.

Rape is the only crime judged by the attrition rate. All others – murder, assault, robbery, and so on – are assessed by their conviction rates. Why?

My word

Two in three days.

A woman who falsely accused her ex-boyfriend of rape when he broke off their relationship was jailed yesterday for her \’vile lies\’.

Incidence of false rape claims seems to be 60 times higher than previously estimated…..if one every 6 months were to be taken as our previous estimate.

Scum, just scum

In the Islamic Republic it is illegal to execute a young woman, regardless of her crime, if she is a virgin, he explained. Therefore a \”wedding\” ceremony is conducted the night before the execution: The young girl is forced to have sexual intercourse with a prison guard – essentially raped by her \”husband.\”

Well I\’ll be buggered

They really are desperate, aren\’t they?

There was something sensible-ish about the Criminal Compensation Board. If you had a criminal record then any compensation you got under the scheme was reduced.

Now they\’re extending this scheme of discounts:

Under the new rules, a deduction must be made for any unspent convictions, including motoring offences, \’unless there are exceptional circumstances\’.

Motoring offenders\’ compensation payments will be cut by between ten and 25 per cent – the same reductions that apply to hardened criminals.

Yup, if you\’re raped and also have a speeding ticket then your compensation is reduced.

All to save £5 million next year. That is, to save the amount by which the catering system (one of our favourite numbers around here) at the Palace of Westminster is subsidised.

Why is my mind filled with visions of rolling tumbrils?

What does this mean?

Cameron\’s \”Broken Britain\” trope never refers to the fact that the risk of being a victim of any kind of crime was 40% in 1995 and is now 23%.

Risk? Percentage?

Does Polly mean that 23% of the population are victims of crime in any one year? What?


Civil servants have refused to name inmates who have fled prison even though individual police forces will often identify them if they pose a risk to the public.

They say releasing their names would breach obligations under the Data Protection Act.

Operation Ore

Shows what happens when you take your eye off the ball.

What could be clearer evidence of guilt than that? As their solicitors told them, it did not matter that their computers had been examined and found to be free of child pornography, or that they could produce alibis to show they could not have been at their keyboards when they were supposed to have signed up for the child porn. Judges and juries found the electronic data irrefutable.

But the electronic data wasn\’t irrefutable. One simple possibility appears not to have occurred to the police or any of the lawyers assigned to the accused: that they had been the victims of identity theft. Someone had got hold of their credit card details and identified the perfect way to rack up charges: create a subscription service child-porn web site (it need not actually have any child porn on it, just a suitably disgusting name), then charge a subscription to the stolen card.

I thought everyone knew that Operation Ore was hopelessly compromised by identity theft? I can\’t remember who it was that was blogging about it ages ago. Possibly Alex at Yorkshire Ranter, maybe Unity? But certainly they left me with the clear conclusion that no weight at all could be put on the simple existence of the credit cards details being found.

So I proceeded merrily on, assuming that this was all sorted. Clearly not though.

I\’m not quite sure what it shows. That I simply don\’t pay enough attention? That solving things on blogs isn\’t the same as solving them in the real world? That certain prosecutions can involve the police being lying scumbags?

Any other ideas?

The crime of sexual harassment

Half of prison service staff personally experience sexually explicit language and sexual jokes and stories every week while at work, according to an internal survey of workers.

Female staff are more likely to experience unwanted persistent attention, bullying related to gender and inappropriate or unwanted touching.

What did anyone expect what with their being surrounded by criminals?

The Saskatoon Redemption

SASKATOON, Saskatchewan (Reuters) – Six high-risk prisoners escaped a Canadian jail last summer after spending four months chipping a path to freedom with nail clippers and other makeshift tools, according to a government report released on Thursday.

Corruption in the Lords!

Our reporters posed as lobbyists acting for a foreign client who was setting up a chain of shops in the UK and wanted to secure an exemption from the Business Rates Supplements Bill. We selected 10 Lords who already had a number of paid consultancies. The three Conservative peers did not return our calls and a Liberal Democrat and an Ulster Unionist both declined to help after meeting the undercover reporters.

However, four of the five Labour peers were willing to help to amend the bill in return for retainers. Some were more forthright than others.

A very nice little investigation indeed.

Poor bastards

The government is planning a radio station exclusively for the entertainment of Britain\’s prisoners, which will cost taxpayers £2million, according to reports.

We\’ve already relieved them of their liberty for their crimes. Now we\’re going to pump Nicey and Smashey at them 12 hours a day? Surely that breaches something or other…the Hague Conventions? Geneva?


The artists are squatting in the mews house of a property in Clarges Mews which sold for £22.5m in April 2007. The owners, Timekeeper Ltd, discovered the occupation in mid-December when they spotted a Christmas tree.

Timekeeper has instructed solicitors to apply for an eviction order. A hearing is due today at Central London county court and Timekeeper hopes the judge will issue an "order forthwith", which means the squatters will be forced to leave the property immediately.

Timekeeper\’s representatives claim the building was empty only while architects waited for planning permission for renovations to the Grade II*-listed house.

The artists do not seem worried by the prospect of eviction. They have been holding open days where anyone can go to workshops and learn skills from welding to "laughter" and tree-house building.

If tree houses are such lovely things why aren\’t they living in one rather than stealing someone else\’s property?

Umm, unlikely I think

Michael Howard was last night at the centre of extraordinary claims by a drugs baron who alleges that he paid a £400,000 \’bribe\’ to the former Home Secretary.

Career criminal John Haase told a Labour MP that he was released from prison early after making the payment via one of Mr Howard\’s relatives.

No, that\’s just one I\’d dismiss out of hand. Howard isn\’t exactly my favourite politician but I\’d never accuse him of being that insanely stupid.

So, now we know

"There is no method of execution without pain," said presiding Judge Mohammad Mahfud, outlining the decision.

The defendant\’s suffering is a logical consequence of the death penalty under Indonesian law and "cannot be categorized as torturing the convict", the nine-judge panel concluded.

Not that it\’s going to change anyone\’s mind about the death penalty of course….

Couple call 999 to get rid of salesman

Can be pushy these buggers:

But one couple became so frustrated at a salesman\’s refusal to leave their house after two hours that they called the police.

The trader was demanding a deposit for the £31,000 he quoted to replace their windows.

The couple, who have two young children, repeatedly asked him to leave before calling the police and handing him the phone so that a police officer could tell him to go.

Now all we need is a line to call to deal with the Jehovah\’s Witnesseses and the Mormon missionaries.

Can I suggest 666?