Food

I’m sorry to say something that may cause an international incident. But the Portuguese cook as if my Yorkshire foremothers had moved to southern Europe. Portuguese produce is excellent: fresh fish, wonderful vegetables, fine meat. But restaurants mostly just plonk a sea bream, a large boiled potato and a steamed vegetable on to your plate. The Italians and Spanish take the same ingredients and magic them into dishes of excitement and grandeur. Puzzlingly, Portugal doesn’t seem to believe in sauces, spices, herbs or flavour. It is what my father would have appreciated as “good plain food”.

The fish can indeed be like that. Just damn good fish on a plate.

The sauces and spicing all over in the meats and stews section, d’ye see?

Scientists demand cancer warnings on bacon and ham sold in UK

Gosh. Scientists!

Four of the scientists behind the warning about processed meat issued by the WHO’s International Agency for Research on Cancer (IARC), and other experts, have written to Wes Streeting, the health secretary, urging him to take bold action to reduce the danger nitrites pose, in a letter organised by the Coalition Against Nitrites.

Why’s that then?

“Consumers deserve clear information. Most people don’t realise that the WHO classifies nitrite-cured meats like bacon and ham in the same carcinogenic category as tobacco and asbestos,” said Denis Corpet, an emeritus professor of food safety and nutrition at Toulouse University and one of the four scientists.

Same group and warning as the contraceptive pill too. So, you know….

Joe Wicks: My fight against UPFs and why fat jabs aren’t the answer
The fitness coach has made a documentary highlighting the problems of ultraprocessed foods which has not gone down well with some of his followers

Apparently all that money piled up in lockdown ha gone. So, new gig, new grift required. If van Tulleken can why not?

Failure to tackle dependence on food banks in UK driving public discontent
One in six households went hungry last year, says Trussell, with Britain facing ‘new normal’ of severe hardship

If we’ve lots of food banks then we’ve people feeding the hungry. If we’ve people hungry then we’ve not enough food banks.

We cannot use the existence of food banks as proof of hunger – food banks are a cure for hunger.

A man who threw a sandwich at a border agent in Washington DC has been fired by the US attorney general after being identified as a justice department employee.

Sean Charles Dunn was arrested and charged with assault after allegedly hurling a wrapped Subway sandwich at a Customs and Border Patrol (CBP) officer on Sunday.

Only thing to do with a Subway. They’re appalling.

At one point Ireland actually banned them from calling whatever it is they use from being called bread – too sweet.

Ham and bacon sold by supermarkets including Tesco, and Marks and Spencer still contain cancer-causing chemicals almost 10 years after the World Health Organization warned about the dangers of their use in processed meats.

Bastards!

However, it found the levels of nitrites in all 21 products were well below the 150mg/kg legal limit.

Oh.

A zoo in Denmark has appealed for unwanted pets to feed its predators.

Aalborg zoo in northern Jutland issued a call for small healthy animals to be donated to ensure “nothing goes to waste”.

In a social media post, the zookeepers suggested the animals would be fed to their contingent of European lynx.

“Chickens, rabbits and guinea pigs form an important part of the diet of our predators,” the zoo said. “Especially the European lynx, which needs whole prey that resembles what it would naturally hunt in the wild.”

The zoo in the Tower of London used to sweeten the offer. Free entry if you donated a dog sorta stuff. Very sensible.

Owners could donate a maximum of four animals, zookeepers said, which would then be euthanised before being used as food.

Ah, in Londom, no euthanasia…..

Ocado is facing a potential £20m loss after a major UK farming start-up backed by the company fell into administration.

The logistics group, led by Tim Steiner, had been a major backer of Jones Food, which was hailed as a game-changer for Britain’s farming industry, allowing vegetables to be picked next door to delivery depots.

I never did like this idea. Seemed to me to be really rather stupid in fact.

The argument in favour of it is that you can grow stuff more efficiently indoors. Grow lights, no birds thiving the crop and all that. Controlled conditions. But to do so you are going to use urban land.

Urban land is expensive. Especially urban land you’re allowed to build upon. Lorries to bring stuff from distant fields into the city are cheap. So, whether the plan works depends upon whether the increase in efficiency covers the increase in capital costs – the urban land.

And, well, I can’t see that ever being true in the UK. I’ve watched people trying this – and yes, obviously, a market system both will and should try this sort of stuff – and always wondered how they came up with the thought that it could/would work. Dunno – maybe they’re all infected with this idea that food miles are a massive cost or summat.

Urban buildings to produce what can be grown in a corner of any field*? Just can’t see how the business case ever stacked up.

*Yes Jim, I know farming’s more complex than that. But not that much.

Juventus pair Weston McKennie and Timothy Weah are facing the wrath of Italy after criticising the nation’s famous cuisine.

The Americans unwisely agreed in an appearance on a recent podcast that the food since they arrived in Turin “has no variety”. To dig themselves deeper into trouble when the Serie A season begins, both went on to suggest US restaurants were better.

In more detail:

“You guys don’t have variety – it’s pasta, pizza, fish, steak,” McKennie said. “You know what the problem is with Italian food? It’s great, it’s good specific food that you do very well, but in America if I go to a burger joint or a steakhouse, then I go to another place 10 minutes down the street, I’m still eating a burger, but it’s a completely different taste. In Italy, I go to this restaurant and get a pesto pasta, I go 10 minutes down the street and order a pesto pasta, it’s the same thing.”

What we think of as “Italian food” isn’t, really, Italian food. Or, to present this the other way around, it is Italian food but no Italian eats like that.

There’s Neapolitan food, Sicilian, Fiorentine (where everything has spinach, even the eggs), Turin, Venetian and so on. And locals in those local areas do get superb versions of those local cuisines. But the pick and mix of all of the best of those local cuisines – which is what the rest of us call “Italian food” – not so much. A Sicilian restaurant in Turin might be more difficult to find than one in London. Heck, even a Milanese one in Turin…..

Yes, I am exaggerating. But there’s still a point there. In any one Italian city and hinterland you’re going to have a great deal of that local cuisine. Some of which will be truly excellent. But it ain’t “Variety R Us”.

Top chefs tell us their go to snacks.

Yes, of course there’s the usual poncey crap (special type of Spanish very lightly pickled mussel on special Spanish crisps, Lord forgive the poseur) but a couple that work:

Jason Atherton
I like prawn cocktail crisp sandwiches with grated cheddar and HP Sauce.

Acshully, not quite wholly sure there. Salt and vingear perhaps…..

Hannah Evans
Spread Marmite across a tortilla wrap, sprinkle on some grated cheddar, fold it in half and zap it in the microwave for 15 seconds until the cheese has melted.

Ah, yes, now that does work.

Vegans and Muslims must be catered for in a possible food apocalypse, experts have said, warning that Britain is woefully unprepared for “shocks” to the supply chain.

Professor Tim Lang, a professor of food policy, said that if there was, for example, a cyberattack or Russian assault that knocked out Britain’s “vulnerable” food chain, ration packs would need to offer comfort.

If people were “in psychological shock they need to have things they are familiar and comfortable with”, he added.

So, canned Woolton Pie anyone?

A dinner at Donald Trump’s $1.7 million-a-head event for crypto investors was labelled “worse than airline food”.
….
Guests were served what was billed as “pan-seared halibut with a citrus reduction, a filet mignon with demi glaze” on Trump-branded plates. But the appearance of the food and paltry offerings of vegetables drew a poor response.

If you’re going to a banquet for the quality of the food you’re making a category error.

Now, it may have been true, back when – given technology and all that – that an Escoffier do at the Savoy was top nosh. But there is a reason it’s called the rubber chicken circuit these days…..mass cooking, for hundreds, just doesn’t compare these days. I think – think – because individual cooking, that is cooking small amounts for individuals, has got so much better.

European shoppers do not want to eat British sausages regardless of Sir Keir Starmer’s trade deal, the founder of The Black Farmer has said.

Wilfred Emmanuel-Jones, who sells a range of meat products under his brand, hit out at claims that the Prime Minister’s trade deal with the EU would deliver a major boost to British sausage manufacturers.

Mr Emmanuel-Jones said: “They didn’t take our sausages in great quantities in the first place, so there’s no win there. And actually, even burgers and a lot of the foods that we have in this country, they don’t eat in Europe, not on a big scale. So I don’t see that we’ve gained anything.”

The Europeans insist that sausages be made of meat. Even, at the posh end, from a named and known species.

This is more than just a joke too. British sausages have – up to – 12.5% breadcrumbs in them. It’s part of the recipe. That’s what holds the fats in as they cook and thereby strengthens the flavour. They’re also made to fry or roast/bake. They simply a different beast than most European types.

Any other dietary restrictions? According to Bower, minced or diced meat was never served. “Because they’re lesser cuts of meat,” she told Daily Mail Australia. “They could only be given to children or used for staff meals.”

They sound quite insecure, these aristocrats. Do they think you can catch lower-classness from eating the wrong foods? They do seem particularly worried. You’d think the money would provide some kind of peace of mind.

So what do the poshos eat? They apparently like to keep things simple: pork sausages and mashed potatoes with gravy, chicken and leek pie, jam roly-poly pudding, sponge cake, chicken sandwiches with mayonnaise.

Sausages, of course, are not made of minced or diced meat. Another Guardian porkie therefore.

A leaked document shows that vested interests may have been behind a “mud-slinging” PR campaign to discredit a landmark environment study, according to an investigation.

The Eat-Lancet Commission study, published in 2019, set out to answer the question: how can we feed the world’s growing population without causing catastrophic climate breakdown?

The actual leaked document is the PR company claiming – note, claiming – in the usual snow job you use to sell to the next customer how wonderful they are. Not wholly scientific proof, obvs.

But sure, it’s possible they were. Also, it’s possible the report itself was just a target rich environment. I certainly shouted at it, I also didn’t get paid by anyone to do so. Because it was, well, target rich, see?

A leaked document seen by the climate website DeSmog

Ah, yes, those are the folk who call me a climate denier because I support a carbon tax….

Well, at least, not yet:

Unilever is hiring an army of influencers to help sell its products as its new chief executive claimed customers are “suspicious” about traditional advertising.

The Marmite and mayonnaise maker has announced plans to spend heavily on social media stars in the coming years, in the hope of winning over shoppers on sites such as TikTok.

Imagery of Timmy loving preparing Marmite things will not be available just as yet. Marmite and butter on toast. Marmite and butter on bread, Marmite and butter on a roll – the possibilities are endless!

Tacxes are goin’ up, Lads

Labour will order schools, hospitals and prisons to buy more British food in an olive branch to farmers angered by the inheritance tax raid.

Steve Reed, the Environment Secretary, is overhauling the way in which public contracts are awarded to prioritise domestic produce over cheaper imports.

The public sector will be set the target of sourcing at least half of all food from the highest-welfare farms – which are typically in the UK – under the new rules.

It is expected the reforms will deliver a major financial boost, potentially running into the billions, for farmers who are still reeling from Labour’s so-called tractor tax.

Aren’t we the lucky ones.

Goats have previously escaped from Mr Armiger’s farm, according to Mr Smerdon, but the first pigs did not get loose until August, when five had to be rescued after straying on to the main road in the village.

Only in the past two weeks have they started digging up lawns, but villager Colin Williams, whose garden has been targeted four times, said they had already caused more than £1,000 of damage.

Mr Williams, who set up a CCTV system to record the pigs’ visits, said: “We came here to live in this lovely village but now the first thing you see when you cross the railway is mullered grass.

“Our garden is no longer a garden. It now looks like the Battle of the Somme.”

The worst offender, he said, was a large mottled pig that had visited his garden several times.

“We just want this to stop”, he said.

Pigs, like other animals, do learn. Also, like other animals, they only pass on their learnings thourgh direct demonstration. They have no libraries of past findings that new generations can catch up upon.

So, round up those who know how to escpae, know the way to the garden in question, and turn them into bacon. That’s the cure. Obviously.

Britain’s Hinkley Point C nuclear power plant risks being delayed yet again because of a row about fish, the project’s owner has said.

EDF Energy said it was struggling to agree protection measures for fish in the River Severn over fears thousands of them will be killed in its water cooling intakes. This has “the potential to delay the operation of the power station”, it said.

OK, say this happens.

Now, people are allowed to fish in the Severn. Including for salmon.

So, why not put a fishing net over the intakes. Co9llect those fish that do get caught. Then reduce the fishing quotas on the rest of the Severn by the amount caught in those nets?

On Christmas Day 179 years ago, housewives across Britain were leafing impatiently through well-thumbed, sticky pages of Eliza Acton’s book Modern Cookery for Private Families in search of the author’s famous figgy pudding — it wouldn’t be Christmas without the heady steam of spices, brandy and candied fruit floating merrily through the hearth.

Rather something you prepare ahead of time, not on the day…..